Friday, October 28, 2016

Jesus Harbaugh has another thing coming

MSU will be favored by 25-30 points. The Vegas pundits flipped the line, unknowingly. Just a glitch in the system in Sin City.

This is the greatest Spartan team ever. Talk about sandbagging? This is Clark Kent and James Bond wrapped into one - pure genius. Wait 'till the cape is changed! Gotta give coach Mark Dantonio credit - he really pulled one over - absolute genius. Dropping passes? Not converting third downs? Injuries? Brilliant! Couldn't be a better ruse. If I didn't know it, we'd be 2-5. Oh, but we are.

"Wow, we got them on the ropes. The Alabama game was part of the master plan," explained Coach D. "You haven't seen anything yet. We plan to stink it up so bad, people will be shocked with the win in the end." Coach D was referring to the 38-0 whitewashing in the Cotton Bowl as a seminal moment to turn the tide in the Spartans' favor to national prominence.

Sheer brilliance. And, I thought I had seen it all. Faking talent and poor play calling... missing Narduzzi... it all adds up.

"We have been working on trick plays all season," said Dantonio. "Plays such as off tackle-right, and the draw play. They've worked according to the master plan."

"We have the talent of this team underwrap all season, and on Saturday we are opening up a can of Whoop-Ass!" Dantonio then showed a Fed Ex receipt of his shipment to coach Jesus Harbaugh that listed a $17.99 pair of Depends and he was asked to defend his actions. "Just trying to be helpful as a fellow coach."

"In the spirit of sportsmanship, MSU will only play 10 players a side for the game to make it even," said Coach Dantonio. He announced the third string quarterback, Blake Elwerke, would start. "This year, we've particularly enjoyed burning redshirts [eligibilty] this year to create this curveball... now we're going to cut it loose! Seven of eight [MSU victories over Michigan] was just the beginning. Mike Hart knows what I am talking about. Make it 14 of 16 starting tomorrow."

Michigan State announced the anointing of the new college football God, and will roll out a red carpet emblazoned with the 49ers logo all the way to midfield. Spartan PA announcers will ask the fandom to "kneel for the great king of football, Jesus Harbaugh." as he enters Spartan stadium. Fans are expected to kneel and look to the skies for their savior. Harbaugh will waive a slight hand either way and proclaim this his day as conquering, much like Julius Ceaser entering the Roman Coliseum.

At the half, the Spartans stated they would serve Jesus Harbaugh steak and eggs in the locker room, with black-tied waiters pouring over his every move with Cabernet and cheerleaders at his whim. When asked the appropriateness of this move, Athletic Director Mark Hollis noted, "well, look to the skies! Our halftime show will have sky-painting welcoming the WalMart Wolverine Nation!"

During the conversation, Dantonio sat in a calm moment to discuss the need to construct a statue dedicated to Mike Hart on the MSU campus. "I tell you, he has done more for our football program in 7 years than anyone in the last 50. And, he's made me about $40 million. I'll pay to build the statue myself."

"I have to give Michigan credit for hiring an unproven coach like Jesus Harbaugh, who hasn't won anything in his life," said coach D. "As I recall, even his brother beat him in the Super Bowl, right? Gotta give Michigan credit for rolling the dice and paying him more than coach Saban before even winning a game."

"So, let's be honest. I feel bad for coach Harbaugh. He has tough shoes to fill - his predecessor, Brady Hoke, was 11-1 his first year... which supports how great Hoke was as a coach was to not score a TD and win " (relating to Michigan's 4-FG victory over Michigan State). "We will bring our humble shoes to Spartan Stadium on Saturday and pray for mercy. The players have been instructed not to run the score up on the mighty winged helmet."

Joe - UM 35-10 Noor - UM 28-7 Norm - UM 35-0 Skooz - MSU 38-31 ES - UM 35-13 ChiSpartan - UM 49-14

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Michigan State Spartans vs Maryland Turtles

#27 MSU 2-4/0-3. Maryland 4-2/1-2
Sagarin Ratings: MSU #61, Maryland, #71

Saturday, October 22, 2016.
7:30 pm ET.
Capital One Field at Maryland Stadium, College Park, Maryland
Weather: 51 degrees, windy
TV: BTN, should only be on the radio

Line: MSU by 3 (really?)

First - figure out the name to the stadium.  Byrd Stadium?  Capital One Field?  Maryland Stadium?  Gimme a break.

Second - as my buddy Spaz just put it "How much of the Sparty implosion is the delayed impact of Narduzzi leaving?"  Well, no shit.  This season has been an absolute turd on defense; no pass rush and a decimated linebacking corps = no defense.  These guys are so out of position, it's pathetic.

Third, last week, despite the unfortunate events I went through, I did note that coach D put Tyler O'Connor back into the game in the second half.  Why?  Whenever a team throws for 400+ yards, as MSU did vs Northwestern, it means you lose.  Only 51 yards on the ground?  What???  BUT, GIVING UP 54 POINTS IS PATHETIC.  TO NORTHWESTERN?  MSU STINKS.  Happy Homecoming.

This week, we are in College Park, Maryland.  Lovely.  I didn't know I was traveling to white-trash Melvindale.

Lovely College Park, Maryland.

They moved this gem from Dearborn Heights or Melvindale to College Park

Enough. Time for predictions from the Peanut Barrel:

ES - MSU 38, Maryland 31.
Skooz - MSU 41-37
Brock - Mary 66-15
Joe  - MSU 23-17

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Institutional Racism at MSU Homecoming

This post is different.  I'm sorry.  This is the worst post I have ever made.  I will discuss this publicly all week to share because it is too important. My buddies (Sloth, Bob, Rick, Joe, etc)  who were here this weekend understand.


I have never, EVER, been so disappointed in my alma mater than this weekend.  Michigan State athletics decision-making was racist on Saturday, and it had nothing to do with football.

I met a friend last year, he has become one of my absolute best friends, he is from the Middle East.  Just a fun guy.  Let's call him Brian.   Well, Sloth gave Brian a ticket to the game.  His #1 goal in life is to be an American.  After this weekend at MSU, I wonder why he would want to be American.

Brian is an amateur photographer. Luckily for him, he has a beautiful system with a 12" lens, etc.  That likely is what threw the MSU staff off-kilter.  So, he went from one gate to the next at Spartan Stadium to ask about the credential necessary. He stated everyone was very friendly, yet it got to the point when one individual denied him entry because of his camera.  And then the police were involved. This is what happened, it is unacceptable behavior unless you are [I removed this per the request of that individual involved].   From Brian's account:

I told her multiple times about my intentions, and was understanding and willing to cooperate (not challenge them to get in), but was simply trying to understand the reasoning behind it, and get a full explanation. She repeatedly told me that “the lens is too big, that’s all you need to know, I do not need to explain any further and this conversation is over”. When I told her that “Well, that doesn’t help me understand why?”, she got intimidated, the first guy that came downstairs reached to his radio, and she started threatening me. "I will call the police if you don’t leave," and the police actually showed up in seconds. She recognized me from Gate G/H, she did not do anything to me, but simply escorted me from the lobby area.

The reason why she said "this conversation is over? I will call the police..."  My friend has a funny accent; he is from the Middle East.  RACIST.

Brian sent me a text message when I was in my seats, MSU up 14-7, stating he was "not allowed in."  I couldn't believe it.  He shared his reasons and I went downstairs to talk to an assistant for Spartan Stadium administration, "Kevin."  I was very, very angry. I informed Kevin of my disappointment at how Spartan Stadium staff marginalized my friend. My friend sent me a text message in the middle of our conversation, of which I shared with Kevin; he read it and appreciated the conversation.  I told him I was "extremely pissed off and disappointed."

My friend left and went to a local pub and sent me text messages as he was crying. Crying?  He wants to be an American. Notably, he does not want me to share this because he is afraid of repercussions. It's sad. I have informed him he should sue MSU.

What you are reading above about MSU is called institutional racism.  It is absolutely unacceptable and embarrassing.  This is a travesty.  I am appalled.


You know what also sucks?  Is when your beloved city (City of East Lansing) tickets everyone who drives in to town because of "homecoming."  Big Bob and Michelle each received $35 tickets for driving up and spending their time and money watching the Spartans lose.  This is everything that is wrong about East Lansing.  What kind of welcome is a parking ticket?  It's cold.

Welcome to the People's Republic of East Lansing.

I HATE THIS CITY.  Complete lack of respect by decision-makers.  And racism to boot.  I need to leave the People's Republic.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Spartan vs Wildcats predictions

Gotta go 'gate with the boys and girls!  ES ugly prediction:

MSU finally wins, 22-20, on a safety in the 4th quarter. Brock sez NW, 31-17.


Friday, October 14, 2016

MSU vs Northwestern: Homecoming!

Nothing to report.  Nothing to say here.

Will provide unworthy comments between 8-11 am before this shit-heap tomorrow.

Sunday, October 09, 2016

Spartans lay a horrific turd against BYU

Was that Freddy or Jason at quarterback for MSU yesterday?  The performance was HORRIFIC.  Watching that game was like watching the Teletubbies.  Now that's a horror show.

I am going to throw up.

This is MSU's offensive offense.  
That was the most dismal, ugly, disappointing, shitty performance by a Michigan State offense since the second half of John L Smith's crap vs Notre Dame in the remnants of the monsoon we know as  Hurricane Katrina.

I've been at the Peanut Barrel today, asking people for adjectives to describe the horror show in Spartan Stadium yesterday.  Halloween themes keep popping up.

Tyler O'Connor at QB is the second coming of Andrew Maxwell.  The ES said earlier this year "don't worry he'll get better." I was wrong.  He's worse.  Lots worse.  In a word?  Absent.  He never showed up to work.  58 yards through the air.  What?  Maybe irrelevant is a better word.

The offensive line for Michigan State is... offensive.  It's awful.  That performance was the worst of an OL the ES has seen since Bobby Williams was coach.  BOBBY WILLIAMS.  This Spartan team couldn't block my dead grandma for crissakes.

I remember watching the movie Fargo.  There is a scene where the criminals shoved a dead body  into a wood chipper in the backyard, coloring the snow blood red.  6-of-14 on third downs, 206 total yards. Yes, that's our offense.

And on defense, Michigan State couldn't stop the Mormons.  BYU was 10-of-16 on third downs.  Game over.  The mighty Cougar rushing attack upped the Spartans 260-85 on the ground.  That's a throat-slitter.

You can't gussy-up a turd, and that was what MSU gave the fans yesterday.  A big fat sloppy pooper of a game.

Season over?   Yup.  Who needs tickets?

                                    BYU      MSU

FIRST DOWNS...................       24       13
  Rushing.....................       15        5
  Passing.....................        7        7
  Penalty.....................        2        1
NET YARDS RUSHING.............      260       85
  Rushing Attempts............       49       32
  Average Per Rush............      5.3      2.7
NET YARDS PASSING.............      138      121
  Completions-Attempts-Int....  18-29-0  13-21-1
TOTAL OFFENSE YARDS...........      398      206
  Total offense plays.........       78       53
  Average Gain Per Play.......      5.1      3.9
Fumbles: Number-Lost..........      0-0      1-0
Penalties: Number-Yards.......     3-24     4-39
PUNTS-YARDS...................     2-82    5-189
KICKOFFS-YARDS................    5-318    3-190
Possession Time...............    34:34    25:26
Third-Down Conversions........ 10 of 16  6 of 14
Fourth-Down Conversions.......   2 of 4   2 of 3
Sacks By: Number-Yards........     3-15      0-0
PAT Kicks.....................      4-4      2-2
Field Goals...................      1-1      0-0
Points off turnovers..........        7        0

Friday, October 07, 2016

MSU vs BYU: Spartans v Mormons

Welcome Mormon Nation!  We hope you enjoy your stay in EL. 
(FYI - click on the link - one of the funniest videos EVER made.  Me and Chock laughed for hours.)

#27 MSU 2-2/0-2. Brigham Young 2-3
Sagarin Ratings: MSU #51, BYU #45

Saturday, October 8, 2016. 3:30 pm ET.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing
Weather: 57 degrees, sunny

Line: MSU by 6 (

OK - so here is the skinny on BYU: Jesus is Love.

What does Jeff Sagarin know that we don't?  Damn, sending us down the line to #46 was accurate last week as we looked lethargic - and were penalized for our play - against the Hoosiers.  Indy is good... but come on, they will lose by 28 to Ohio State. Thanks for the measuring stick.  We deserve to be #51 at this point.  Two weeks ago, in the AP Poll we were #8!!!!

MSU has lots of injuries on defense - we have replaced our entire LB corps, which was the best in the nation prior to the season.  That's hurt, and it shows with opposing QBs (prolific ones like BYU's who led a 700+ yard effort last week) taking advantage.   But, it's hard to conceive MSU lose three straight, IMHO.

ES sez - MSU 38, BYU 31.

Freep: MSU 30-24
DetNews: Charboneau, BYU 31-27; Changelis, MSU 21-10; Niyo, MSU 31-24; Wojo, MSU 34-32
LSJ: BYU 31-30
CollegeFootballNews: MSU 30-27
Vanquish The Foe:  good stuff, but not taking a stand?  Woosies.

Post Indiana vomit

MSU vs Indiana.  You watch it.

I am about to jump off a building.  We were screwed.  We played terrible.  Crap.  So much for the playoff.

To answer the questions posted by the ES last week:

  • Which team will show up? The 2012 Spartans showed up.  Can't finish. 
  • Will Tyler O'Connor show up? His real self did.  Tyler O'Connor just is not a playmaker.  It ain't gonna happen with him at the controls.  It does not help being handcuffed by the referees.
  • Will Dave Warner show up? Not in overtime he didn't - the questioning leading to a time-out (and visible frustration from Coach D), followed by a pair of sacks and a missed FG left a big turd.  O'Connor has GOT to throw the ball on third down - get rid of it, don't take the sack; and, well, Geiger - he Geigered it.  Warner had GREAT play calling on the final drive to put MSU in position to go to OT.  But, overall, fairly unimaginative. 
  • Will the defensive line show up? Not in the second half when it mattered
  • Who will show up? WHAT IS WITH ALL THE PENALTIES!!!!! I give up.  Look below.  

                                    MSU      IND
FIRST DOWNS...................       21       19
RUSHES-YARDS (NET)............   41-175   39-156
PASSING YDS (NET).............      263      281
Passes Att-Comp-Int...........  35-21-0  28-17-1
TOTAL OFFENSE PLAYS-YARDS.....   76-438   67-437
Fumble Returns-Yards..........      0-0      0-0
Punt Returns-Yards............      1-1     2-31
Kickoff Returns-Yards.........     1-23     3-90
Interception Returns-Yards....      1-0      0-0
Punts (Number-Avg)............   5-39.4   3-38.7
Fumbles-Lost..................      2-1      1-0
Penalties-Yards...............    11-98     7-60
Possession Time...............    33:34    26:26
Third-Down Conversions........  4 of 15  9 of 16
Fourth-Down Conversions.......   2 of 2   0 of 1
Red-Zone Scores-Chances.......      1-1      3-4
Sacks By: Number-Yards........      0-0      2-9