Tuesday, January 01, 2019

FIRE DAVE WARNER

Hey, Coach D: 

FIRE DAVE WARNER

or leave!

Sunday, December 30, 2018

ES Preview: Redbox Bowl

REDBOX BOWL 2018
Michigan State Spartans vs Oregon Ducks
MSU: (7-5 all, 5-4 B1G).  Nike: (8-4 all, 5-4 P12)
Sagarin Ratings: MSU #31, Oregon #33

Santa Clara, CA - Home of the 49ers
Dec 31, 2018.  3 pm ET.
TV: Fox

Line:  Nike is favored by 1-1/2

Best win:  MSU 21-17 over Penn State.  Oregon 30-27 OT vs Washington.
Worst loss:  MSU incompetent 6-9 at Nebraska.  ORE whipped 15-44 at Arizona.

Oregon has scored at least 30 points in 9 of its 12 games.  When losing, they've scored 15, 20, 25, and 31 points.  Yes, they score a ton.

MSU has given up LESS than 30 points in each game except one all year (the first game of the season).  The Spartan defense is world-class, better than that Michigan crap we saw in the Peach Bowl, and has kept MSU in games all year regardless of the ineptitude of the offense and OC Dave Warner.  That defense is great to watch, #1 across the board.

Yes, DEFENSE wins championships, and MSU has had a harder schedule than Oregon.  But, MSU's offense has been entirely mismanaged, bungled, and is inept at best.  In its losses, they've scored 13, 19, 7, 6, and 6.  Yes, they don't score.  MSU's offense is not well thought of by the Spartan Nation, after struggling until the 4th quarter to beat Rutgers in its last game.  (FYI, Rutgers is ranked 121st by Sagarin behind such national FCS powers as Dartmouth, Samford (not a typo), Colgate, UC Davis, and Kennesaw State).

The 14-10 win over Rutgers was the single-worst experience the ES has ever experienced in Spartan Stadium. Ugly, cold, rainy, and pathetic against a shit team.

Bottom line:  teams are supposed to get better as a season progresses - MSU has done exactly the opposite and become far worse.   That blame goes straight to coaching and to coach Dantonio. 

ES was so bored by the Spartans' effort in an empty, rainy, cold Spartan Stadium
in late November, he turned red-faced in honor of the Scarlet Knights,
with the sheriff and Dieter watching in laughter

Picks:
  • Kat:  Oregon, 27-7
  • Poke: MSU, 24-20
  • Zech:  Dux soup 27, Spartans 17. If LJ and Lewerke are 100% and play that way, maybe State pulls the upset 20-19.
  • Aussie Paul:  MSU, 45-0.
  • Chef Tom: I hope we do better than Purdue, Notre Dame and Michigan. Should be a piece of cake.
  • Big Bob:  Oregon, 42-7
  • Sloth: 1-0, both teams suck so badly on offense, that they will have to go to penalty kicks.
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309:  Ducking fucks 38-the shittans -4
  • RGM3:  Oregon, 24-14
  • Gregger:  Ducks, 34-27
ES sez:  Just no offense all year.  Prove it otherwise, coach D.  Regardless, you can score 100 points, WAKE UP AND FIRE WARNER.  Oregon will win, 31-17

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Michigan pouts after smack down in Peach Bowl

Maybe catch the ball next time, or get a more prepared coach? 
Stop pouting, you look silly. 

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Michigan State Declines Bowl in Advance of Invite


Spartans' Players-Only Meeting to Say "No" to Bowl

(East Lansing, MI. November 29, 2018.)——Earlier today, the 7-5 Michigan State football team held a closed-doors, players-only meeting to discuss the season and the eventual bowl selection.  And, the outcome was surprising: the Spartans will decline an offer to participate in any bowl appearance.  The last team with a winning record to do so was 18th-ranked Notre Dame in 1996.

Joe Bachie spilled no words saying "NO BOWL"
to coach Dantonio
“We don’t deserve to go to a bowl,” junior co-captain LB Joe Bachie reportedly told head coach Mark Dantonio.  Bachie later told the ES: “As a team, we voted.  I told coach - Your leadership in calling out the fans for being pissed (sic), your defense of the poor play calling by coach (offensive coordinator Dave) Warner, and the complete ineptitude of the offense convinced us.  As a team, we want to spare the country, and especially the Spartan Nation, of us getting our butt kicked.”

Bachie was referring to the past three contests, in which Michigan State’s defense seemingly played well, while the offense continued to struggle against the poorest teams in the Big Ten, namely Nebraska and Rutgers.  

“I take full responsibility for the poor offensive execution this year,” said injured QB Brian Lewerke, whose performance in passing percentage (162-299, 54%) and TD-INT ratio (8 TD-10 INT) was the worst statistically for any Big Ten quarterback starting four (4) or more games this season.  Similarly, freshman QB Rocky Lombardi stated, “if I can’t move the ball and can’t make the completions - it’s on me.  It’s my fault.”   

Although specifics of the meeting were not made available, what is known is a vote to go to a bowl  among the 125 players on the roster, ended with a 123-2 vote:  the only two votes to accept any bowl bid were from Lewerke and Lombardi.  Asked to explain what this meant, the quarterbacks said, in tandem, “it’s our fault.”  Lewerke then added: “We know we were ostracized for our performance, but we still want to go to Florida, or Nashville, or even Detroit.”

Thank God!
The meeting occurred today off-campus at the People’s Interdenominational Church in East Lansing… where the team met the local pastor in hope of receiving some support.  Khari Willis, the senior co-captain and safety, said “we went to church today for some type of leadership from someone, the Lord above, since we have none in the Duffy (Daugherty Football Complex).”  

Willis, who was elegant in representing Michigan State with his speech at the 2018 Big Ten media day before the season, went further to articulate the team’s frustrations with the coaching staff: “We have Ohio State on the ropes in the 4th quarter, and we use freshman backups to run a motion or jet sweep or whatever in our own end zone and fumble… after giving up a safety?  And at Nebraska, with 22-mile-an-hour winds, 11-degree windchill in a blizzard, we give up on the running game for our backup to throw in the 4th quarter - it was cold and windy, man!  No wonder my boys dropped passes, I can’t blame ‘em!  And, against Rutgers - that offense was pathetic, man, couldn’t do anything right.  So, again, throwing the ball in a driving rain storm with the wind picking up? Why not  run? Surprised we won.  

“As a team, we just don’t understand the direction.  As long as coach Warner is going to coach a bowl and with Coach D defending all this stuff… we decided, why let the world bother to watch us get our butts kicked? Let’s enjoy the holidays instead.” 

Bachie noted, “We’re kind of fed up.  We have the best defense in the country, and, yeah it’s a team game.  But the lack of leadership from the coaching staff has not put us in the best position to make plays to win, time after time, and that deflates our confidence.  And, the poor execution hasn’t helped. Coaches should know that. After the big Penn State win, I don’t know what happened.  It’s confusing to all of us.”

Michigan State’s fate is left in the hands of individual bowl committees, and at this time, it is projected the Spartans will play in the Outback Bowl against an SEC foe (LSU or Texas A&M) (CBS247sports) 

“Quite honestly, we said the only bowls that we should play in are the Cure Bowl or the First Responder Bowl.  It’s fitting,” he joked.  “Seriously, our offense might be lucky to move the ball against Duke, San Diego State, or Louisiana-Lafayette,” said Bachie.  “Playing the SEC, even Vanderbilt would kill us on New Years Day.  We agreed as a team, we would rather be home in one piece for Christmas this year.”  

Both Dantonio and Warner declined comment for this article.

Saturday, November 24, 2018

ES Preview: Incompetence hosts Irrelevance

Let's see how Dantonio's incompetence fares today against
the Sisters of the Poor. 

MSU Spartans (6-5, 4-4) vs Rutgers Scarlet Knights (1-10, 0-8)
November 24, 2018.  4 pm ET.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI
TV:  Fox

Weather:  45, cloudy, 10 mph winds

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #26, Rutgers #127

Line:  MSU favored by 27 points.

Dantonio implemented this memo to
perfection
27 point favorites?  That's a laugh - my dead grandma could score more points than that incompetent coaching staff's leadership of the MSU offense.   Coach Dantonio blew it the last two games (Ohio State, Nebraska) with moronic, stupid playcalling.

Predictions:

Kat:  MSU 24, Rutgers 6 .
Pittsburgh Jack:  MSU 2, Rutgers 0.
Sloth:  Dantonio 1, Sloth 0.
Doc:  Since everyone has given up on team Sparty, they will run the ball down the throat of the Scarlet Knights. This will make play calling easy, as everything will work, including the wildcat. Then the OC job will be safe, giving us poor play calling when we are challenged next year. 38 - 10 Sparty. It was tempting to call it 4 - 3 for Sparty, but my sarcasm hasn't reached that level.
Chef Tom: The Spartans will show up at the wrong stadium and lose by forfeit.
Big Joe and Phantom 309: Will not be attending final score incompetents 14-worthless 6 defense scores both the incompetent touchdowns

ES Sez:  MSU 11, Rutgers 4


Thursday, November 22, 2018

From Matt Stafford: You are welcome, Detroit!

Santa couldn't top my performance, but he's a good guy.
Dear Lions Fans:

This Thanksgiving, I write this letter to give you warm wishes as you give thanks to your friends and family on a traditional football day in Detroit.  And, I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to witness my performance today against the Chicago Bears, and from that performance, providing you my true value for the $57.5 million in compensation I earned in the past year.

Each year, Detroit's Thanksgiving begins with a beautiful parade of plastic balloons featuring cheap cartoon characters, reminding me of my Georgia college days with good ole' Chik-fil-A promotions, all in sub-zero temperatures and howling wind in front of a few hundred people.  The mayor called me on Monday to say he would have given me the key to the city, but as I was busy preparing for the annual loss, he instead chose another giving recipient from a freezing clime with a winning record: Santa Claus.

On this day, fans pour into downtown Detroit to watch our Lions, coming into downtown with free parking on the streets in front of bars with $5 beers.  The teeth-less homeless heat their dinners on top of grates spewing steam, the view of prisoners pounding on the glass in the downtown jail, the aura of skyscrapers thrice rebuilt to meet modern economic needs, it all makes for a breathtaking experience.  A few smart Michiganders lock their cars for fear of an unexpected donation to the homeless... yet no other major American city can provide such classic experiences.

I love my city, Detroit!  
Santa, Mayor Duggan, the jail, people of Detroit... it all fueled my inspiration to provide you with your annual expectations on this special day.  I thought of all of these traditions as I stepped onto the gridiron to face the Chicago Bears.  A sold out Ford Field, with decibels well above 100 throughout the game, gave me the will to respond to the needs of the people of Michigan.  Your Lions, providing loss after loss for years on Thanksgiving?  Well, I could not disappoint - not today, of all days.  This is YOUR tradition, after all.

With a tied game... I felt the need to make the key play to keep tradition in order.  An interception would be the right thing to do, but I timed it perfect for a pick-six touchdown to give Chicago the lead!  Thinking that I needed my performance to be a success, on that throw I looked directly at the safety from the Bears to insure he would catch my pass in stride.  I gave this to gift to you, Lions faithful!

But, as would be any gallant warrior, I would not let my Lions disappoint YOU in pure Thanksgiving fashion.  One final drive down the field, and I felt a final, targeted, interception would seal the deal.  Perfect, I hope it made your day!  So, as you go home, and eat your mashed potatoes and smother your turkey with gravy, I invite you to watch that other team play in the NFL with their traditional win on Thanksgiving:  the Dallas Cowboys.

People of Detroit, people of Michigan, thank you for your confidence in me to have a place in your annual ritual.  I tried hard to please you, and I am glad I performed to your expectations.

You are welcome!  Gobble, gobble.

Matthew Stafford



Saturday, November 17, 2018

ES Preview: Rocky at Corn


Michigan State Spartans (6-4, 4-3) at Nebraska (3-7, 2-5)
November 17, 2018.  12 Noon ET

Memorial Stadium, Lincoln, NE
TV:  Fox
Weather:  29, cloudy, with 23 mph winds.  Nipply cold!

LineMSU favored by 1-1/2 . No longer!  Nebraska now favored by 1

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #21, Nebraska #61

I hate corn.  If we don't beat the Corn, we a-gonna go to the Toilet Bowl.  By the way, Lincoln, Nebraska sucks for a town.

Predictions:

Kate:  MSU 10-7
Big Bob:  MSU 2-0.
RGM3:  MSU 14-10. An absolute barn burner.
CHock:  Nebraska 35-31.
Australia Paul:   MSU 45-0.
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU 24, Cornfuckers 10.
Sloth:  Nepotism 42, Sloth 0.
Kelly: MSU 17-14...two TDS scored by our defense and one field goal that Nebraska kicks in the wrong end zone
Chef Tom: Even, pick-em

ES sez:  Rocky 21, Corn 20.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

FIRE DAVE WARNER

Moron.  Absolute moron. Dipshit. 

Dave Warner is the worst offensive coordinator in the nation.  In college football history.  His playcalling is dogshit.   Let me explain -

Against Ohio State, MSU took a safety intentionally because they were backed up to the 1 yard line with a fourth-string punter.  While it gave a free two points to Ohio State, the ES agreed with the decision at the time and it was only 9-6 in the fourth quarter.

But then, this is where there is NO EXCUSE.  Jesus, it's hard for me to type this, I am so fuming pissed off.  This was the last straw.  MSU again was backed up to the one yard line.  Why on earth would you run a jet sweep or a direct snap to a guy in motion - to #13, who we've never even heard of.  With your backup quarterback (who should now be the starter), Rocky Lombardi.  That was the STUPIDEST PLAY I've ever seen.  At least just fall forward for a few yards and get some room.  To even think about calling that play is stupid.  What an INCOMPETENT OAF.

Of course, snap gets fucked up and Ohio State falls on the fumbled pigskin for a freebie TD.  Let me regurgitate my breakfast.

Why?  Why?  Good God, why????   Hey, here's an idea, from Coaching 101 for Babies:  KEEP IT SIMPLE when backed up to your own endzone.  At the very least, take ANOTHER safety to flip the field position.

The play was just mind-blowingly stupid.  And, if Dantonio can chime in call or not call certain plays, WHY IN THE HELL would he allow that play to even be called?  It defies logic.

Then after pulling Lewerke for Rocky (Lewerke should have never played)... Dantonio puts Lewerke back in?  WHY, GOOD LORD, WHY?

How many times did MSU run the ball off tackle.  3 times in the whole game?  WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????!!!!!  Stop this bullshit.

Worst coaching job of Dantonio's career.  Total choke job.  It's embarrassing.

Stop being so FUCKING LOYAL, Dantonio, and FIRE HIS ASS or get outta town.  Dummy.

FIRE DAVE WARNER NOW.  He is garbage. 

Friday, November 09, 2018

ES Preview: Spartans host Oscar Meyer Wieners


#18 Michigan State Spartans vs #10 Ohio State Wieners
November 10, 2018.  12 noon.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI

Weather:  34 cloudy, 16 mph wind.  Cccccolder than a ticket taker's smile at the Ivar Theater on a Saturday night.  15 wind chill.

Line:  Wieners by 3-1/2

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #16, OSU #6

I hate the dude with the fake heart attack and consistent lies to the media, to parents, to everyone.  All the Buckeyes care about is: Just win, baby.  Meyer is a Good coach, Bad person, Terrible liar.  Not good for the B1G Ten, or for college football.  He is an embarrassment, and the only reason the Buckeye Nation keeps him around is one reason:  WIN.  Not education, not athlete welfare, not caring.  WIN. I hope we freeze his ass tomorrow.

Picks:

Kat:  MSU 27, Fuckeyes 20.
CHock:  OSU 28-17
Chef Tom: MSU holds on to win by 4.
Sloth: NyQuil 2, Sloth 0.
GVSU Gregger:  OSU 24-17.
Big Joe and Phantom 309: OSU 35-21
Australian Paul:  MSU 45-0.
RGM3: MSU 17-14. Weather report: Colder than a ticket taker's smile At the Ivar Theatre, on a Saturday night.
Zech: Lewerke starts and goes all the way, 37-13 osu. Lewerke/Lombardi combo, osu 37-20. Lombardi starts, MSU 23-20

ES sez:  MSU 22, OSU 21.  Oscar Meyer chokes on a hot dog when trying to call timeout as his team defends a successful MSU fake extra point while time runs out.  Spartan victory, second fake heart attack ensues.

PS - thanks to the Enlightened Spartan fans who recognized the ES and hung out in the wind storm and empty stadium at "College Park".  Woop woop!

Thanks for joining the ES and Kat!!!



Friday, November 02, 2018

ES Preview: MSU at the Coachless Terps

Nothing like a Mercedes hood on a Geo Metro. 
Welcome to Maryland, folks

This is College Park, MD.  The ES is in the middle of a firestorm, here in our nation's capitol, as the football coach for the University of Maryland gets sacked for intimidation and inappropriate behavior toward the players.  I just harken back to my visit at Maryland a few years back.  I've returned, and God help me.

Michigan State Spartans (5-3, 3-2) at Maryland Terrapins (5-3, 3-2)
Time and Tube:  Noon/ESPN2
Capitol One Field at Maryland Stadium
Weather:  54 degrees, sunny, 14 mph winds

Line from Vegas:  Big Green by 2-1/2

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #26, Maryland #49

So, who's a-gonna win?

ES' handywork in DC, graffiti-wall painting the night before
the big game....

Predictions:

Kat:  MSU 21-7
Big Bob:  MSU 21-17
John Tull:  MSU 34-31
RGM3:  MSU 28-17
Big Joe and Phantom 309: Rocky 35, Turtle Soup 21
Australia Paul:  MSU 45-0
CHock:  MSU 31-17

ES sez:  MSU 28-14

Saturday, October 27, 2018

ES Preview: MSU vs Purdon't



Michigan State hosts Purdon't Toiletmakers
October 27, 2018, 12 ET
Spartan Stadium
TV:  ESPN
Weather:  45, cloudy, 25% chance of light showers.

Line outta Vegas:  Pick 'em; flip a quarter

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #31, Purdon't #22

Picks:

Kat:  MSU, 24-21
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU, 24-21
Gregger:  Purdon't 34-17
Keith:  MSU 21-20
Australian Paul:  MSU 45-0
CHock:  MSU 28-21
Sloth:  Rodeo Burger 1, Sloth 0
Zech: Pur-Shouldn't 27, Mobile Armed Spartan Hospital 17
Ronnie: Purdon't 54-10 ES sez:  Will the offense please show up?  Time to put in Rocky Lombardi since Lewerke is just not getting it done.  Just gotta beat Rutgers and Maryland to get to the Toilet Bowl; it ain't gonna happen this week.   Purdon't 21, Lost Offense 17.




Friday, October 19, 2018

MSU vs that fucking piece of shit

Shopping for teeth? Finish your degree in Anthropology first.... 
#24 MSU vs #6 scUM
12 noon/Fox
40 degrees, 18 MPH wind, and rain

Sagarin Ratings: #5 Mich, #24 Mich State
Line:  Arrogant Assholes by 7

Spartans vs Jesus Harbaugh

All hail to the almighty respondents to making good for what is "right" about college football.  Let us give the holy grail to the man in the Lazy Boy with a $4,000-khaki contract down in preppy-land.   Whatever.  OK, you've won over the masses with your smoke and mirrors, and Northwestern almost figured you out.  Boy, Jesus Harbaugh, you make the rest of us tired just to have to deal with your antics.

I gotta get to a tailgate:

Picks:
J:  MSU 31-30
Kat: MSU 14-10
CHock:  MSU 21-20
Madison Toth:  MSU 21-17
Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 28-26
RGM3: MSU 24, other team 20
Paul Australia:  MSU 45-0 (possibly the greatest team to ever wear shoes)
Sloth:  Lite Beer by Miller 3, Sloth 0
Skuz: 17-14
Carter: MSU 24-21. Believe in Dantonio! Felton Davis will catch a couple...Spartan D can stop UM run game...Lewerke will run wild and a few freshman will step up...Hopefully Higgins will not factor...too much...nuff said! MSU 24 UM 21....looking for a great game overall on both sides...makes it more fun....

ES sez:  14-13 MSU

HERE WE GO!  GO BIG GREEN TOUCHDOWN MACHINE!  GET 'ER DONE!

Saturday, October 13, 2018

ES Preview: MSU at Penn State

Michigan State Spartans (3-2, 1-1) at #8 Penn State Nittany Lions (4-1, 1-1)
October 13, 2018, 7:30 PM Reykjavik time
FSN 1/BTN

Sagarin Ratings: can't get them in Iceland.  See below

USA Today only likes Americans.  No Sagarin ratings here, boys and girls. 

Line: Penn State by 2 touchdowns (13-1/2)

The ES is busy with his girl-toy in Iceland, climbing mountains, seeing craters and waterfalls, singing  AC/DC karaoke, and taking motorized bicycles around tiny islands and lava-rock beaches.  Thusly, this post is from the land of the Viking.  (Viking beer is the best beer on this rock).

LJ Scott?  He should move to Iceland.

ES thinks this might be an ass-whooping.  Ugh.

Picks:

Kat:  Penn State 27-3
Carter:  Penn State 38-13
C Hock: Robyn Hitchcock next. I got good place on the ground and lots of beer.  Penn State 28-24
Zech:  Penn State 52-10
Reno Ron:  Yeah, we're gonna get PSed on.
Poke:  Penn State 35-17
Drunk Paul:  MSU 45-0
UK Sara: The fans in Happy Valley will be incredibly friendly, nice and gracious in victory.
Sloth: I have 6 Penn Brewery 16oz'ers to drink before kickoff in Crappy Valley, so my prediction is - Penn Brewery Oktoberfest 6, Sloth 0.
Madison Toth:  35-21 (who?)
Big Joe and Phantom 309: 38-17 the Sandusky suckers
Gregger: Jerry 42, Larry 20
RGM3:  22-18 Penn State

ES sez:  GOD, everyone thinks this season is lost!  Agreed -  Joe Pa 38, Lou Anna 21.

Saturday, October 06, 2018

ES Preview: MSU hosts Mildcats

LAKE THE POSTS!  Not on Saturday, and it ain't two miles to Lake Michigan from EL.
 That's 100 miles to carry goalposts. Not gonna happen.
#20 Michigan State Spartans (3-1, 1-0) vs Northwestern Wildcats (1-3, 1-1).
October 6, 2018.  12 noon.  FS1.

Weather: 74, scattered thunderstorms.

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #24, Northwestern #55.

Line:  MSU favored by 10 1/2 

So, the ES was in a diatribe with C and C out on the west coast, diagnosing the Spartans' issues through four games.  Here how it went:

  • Carter: "They are mediocre..."
  • C Hock: "Their (MSU) run D is unbelievably good. I can play QB for the Spartans and get 6 or 7 wins. Hell, I could probably have a better TD to Int/turnover ratio than our starting QB as well. "
  • ES: "C - agreed. MSU run defense is a brick wall. Should be a concern with our banged up secondary against NW slant-pass offense (as usual). MSU offense is seriously underperforming, courtesy of injuries and Dave Warner. Two starting receivers out with injury. Doesn't help our All-American punter is out with injury, too. We are far from a complete team, but we've got talent."
  • C Hock: "Lewerke's turnovers and bad decisions and bad penalties in the red zone during worse than play calling IMO"
  • ES: "C - agreed to some extent. Lewerke is trying too hard because their is no run game, and OLine help is rough. He needs to back off a bit."
Picks:
  • Kat: MSU 27-21.
  • Sloth:  MSU 17-10.  I will go with 17-10 MSU. NU is terrible on offense, but so is MSU. Warner needs to dial up a lot of runs, especially with White out with the broken hand. Should be a slobberknocker and hard-hitting as hell.
  • Carter: MSU 27-21.  NW played a very good game against UM - this is a tough one...it will be close...our best receiver out with a broken hand...I am going MSU - hope the running game blossoms.
  • C Hock:  MSU 38-35.
  • Paul Anders: MSU 45-0.
  • Ronnie Maxedon: NW 34-21 
  • Poke: MSU 31-24 
  • Jack: NW 17-2 
  • Chef Tom: Northwestern -1.5 
  • RGM3: MSU 38-17 MSU. Probably a lot closer but one can hope 
  • Feather: MSU 27-24 
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 10-6  
  • Paul Rinella: MSU has a tough one 
  • David Russell Havens: NU really made U of M look like a Rutgers team last week, up until the last half of a quarter. Hate to say it but MSU’s gonna have a tougher time than we’d hope. It’s gonna come down to penalties 
  • Gregger: MSU 24-17
ES Sez:  Bring your poncho, wear your shorts.  Warm, and wet.  MSU pulls out a win in the end in an ugly drubber.  MSU 17, Northwestern 13.  

Saturday, September 29, 2018

ES Preview: Spartans host the Chippewas


Fire Up Chips????  Indeed.
#21 Michigan State Spartans (2-1, 1-0) vs Central Michigan Chippewas (1-3)
Spartan Stadium
September 29, 2018.  12 noon
Fox Sports 1

Weather:  58 and sunny

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #15, CMU #122

Line:  MSU by 29

Can we run the fucking ball?  We'll do it all day long today.  I hate the damn Chips.  We're going to obliterate these bastards.

Picks:

Kat:  MSU 42-10
Carter:  MSU 45-10. I predicted the ASU game and got the 14 point spread in the IU game...CMU is 1-3....so being the point spread is 29...
CHock: MSU 35-13
Bob:  MSU 27-10.  No o-line. No run game. MSU ranks 112th in the nation rushing.
RGM3:  MSU 31-7
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU 35-6 and I'm tailgating
Gregger:  MSU 45-7
Skooz:  MSU 42-10
Lex: we gonna woop their ass; destroy the city.

ES sez:  MSU 56-7



Saturday, September 22, 2018

ES Preview: Spartans at Hoosiers

Really?  Hoosier pride in the kitchen!
#24 Michigan State Spartans
(1-1, 0-0) at
Indiana Hoosiers (3-0, 0-0)
Sept. 22, 2018.  7:30 pm.
TV:  Big Ten Network.
Memorial Stadium, Bloomington, IN.

Weather:  64, cloudy, no wind.  Good passing weather.

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #22, Indiana #55.

Line out of Vegas:  MSU by 5.

How did we get here?

Well, whaddya know.  Here are our Spartans in the middle of September, having played just one game at home and looking like crap in both games.  This underwhelming team's biggest deficiency has reared its ugly head, that being the Offensive Line... which is more like the Maginot Line.  In two games, and specifically in the loss to Arizona State, the left side of that offensive line had no push, and no protection for Brian Lewerke.   We certainly miss Cole Chewins on the left side of that line.   LJ Scott hasn't been much of a help, either.  If the Maginot Line has been poor, then Scott's protection for Lewerke has been poorerer.  Oh yeah, he's a running back.  Well, his running has been just as poor - in the first two games, he's dancing like Justin Timberlake instead of running like Jim Brown: just 103 yards and averaging 3.4 yards per carry against powerhouses Utah State and Arizona State.  And on the other side of the ball?  Let's be honest, the defense was LUCKY against Arizona State, as their QB overthrew pass after pass after pass after pass... and finally  connected on the last drive when MSU DBs had to make a stop.  Bend bend bend break!  Just too many mental mistakes, too many opportunities lost (e.g. Lewerke INT in the endzone) - mistakes do not make a mark of a good team.

So, now Indiana?

The Hoosier nation is in constant desire of football mediocrity.  Indiana is 3-0, again.  So, expect another 5-7 season out of the Hoosiers... unless they find a way to trip up our Spartans.

Make note of the Little Pink House on the Indiana Campus.   Yes, it's pink. 

Stat chat

Well... other than MSU's run defense... well.... offense averaging 114 yards on the ground per game???  Screw that, who are we?


MSU has won 16 of the last 20 against Indiana... and 7 of the last 10 played at Indiana.  Doesn't matter much, unless you are considering this against expectations.

Pix:

Kat:  MSU 30-17
Smig:  MSU 32-26
Carter:  MSU 24-10
CHock:  MSU 24-23
Keith:   MSU 35-32. "trap game."
Dr. Tom:  MSU 24-7. "This has become infinitely harder after ASU game… Honestly they could rebound and drop a bomb on Indiana or continue to look like a bag of hot dicks. And their o-line looks like such a piece of shit I don’t even know. I think we win 24-13 because Lewerke takes over the game. Wait. 24-7. Dantonio is pissed."
GR Gregger:  MSU 38-20
Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 24-22
RGM3: MSU 31-10.

ES sez:  MSU 21,  John Cougar Mellencamp 17.  

Saturday, September 08, 2018

ES Preview: MSU vs Arizona State


Michigan State Spartans (#13, 1-0) at
Arizona State Sun Demons (1-0)
September 8, 2018.  10:45 pm ET.
ESPN.
Sun Devil Stadium, Tempe AZ.

Kickoff weather is 102 degrees!  Hades in Tempe!

Line: MSU by 5 1/2

Sagarin Ratings:
MSU #17, Arizona State #48

Rewind:  About those Spartans vs the Other Mormons

We can make this quick.  What was difficult to stomach in Spartan Stadium was two fold.  Or three fold.  Or four fold.  Or more 1.  Needing a last minute drive to beat a pedestrian Utah State.  2.  Allowing slant plays time and again without MSU dropping a lineman into zone to pick off a pass.  3.   The play of the offensive line, particularly the left side, which couldn't block my dead grandma out of the way.  4.  The play of RG LJ Scott - not only did he dance too much and was ineffective running, but he whiffed on several blocks that led to hurries for QB Brian Lewerke.  5.  J Rand finding the biggest cooler on earth, filling it with beer and ice, then realizing the need to move it without wheels.  That's what friends are for!

What was good to watch was:  1.  The tailgate by J Rand, hosting friends, food, and beer!  2.  The play of Connor Heyward, who ran like a beast without those dance moves.  3.  A full stadium on a beautiful fall day.  4.  The play of Felton Davis, who can flat out run and catch - he is a stud at wideout.

Bottom line:  After watching the Buckeyes take Oregon State to the woodshed and giving them 70 lashings, MSU had better plug those holes and move them lines - and fast - if they have any chance of making a move in the B1G East.

Methinks the Sun Demons aren't as scary as they think they are.... Nice atomic age art here!


Back to the Present:  About the Spartans TODAY in the desert heat

C Hock had a pretty damn succinct writeup:  "No way we blow them out.  3 year starter at QB (Manny Wilkins) will air it to the 6'4" receiver over Josh Butler for at least 3 TDs."  Defense better get a push or it can be a long day.  The Sun Demons will roll out the hard red earth for the Spartans, changing the field from grass to hard clay baked under the desert sun.  After the first drive, Lewerke notes: "These cleats don't work so good on dirt."  And the Spartans get the advantage playing in their bare feet on that clay.  It's so damn hot, the Gatorade will evaporate and Spartans will turn to drinking each other's sweat.  Meanwhile, the Sun Demons, overconfident as they are, roll out their black uniforms and realize that dark colors don't mix well with 100+ heat.   All advantages for the Spartans.

C is in Tempe, AZ, with G to root on the Big Green in the scorching heat.   This may be a first - Spartans playing a football game in a lava flow of a heat wave; first time playing football in over 100 degrees heat. Meanwhile, the ES is going to Defiance College to watch his Yellow Jackets play the Hope Flying Dutchmen in 65 degrees and rain.  Steamy.

Predictions: 

Freep says: 27-17 MSU
ESPN staff give it a toss up
Sloth: 31-17 MSU
Keith: 27-24 MSU
C Hock: 31-28 MSU
Carter: 31-21 Sun Demons
RGM3: 38-34 MSU, defense makes stop at the end
Big Joe and Phantom 309: 27-14 MSU, defense steps up big but Lewerke has two turnovers
Tom, the Heart Doctor:  24-14 MSU
Kat: 31-14 MSU...

ES sez:  Defiance 24, Hope 23.   I mean, MSU 32, Sun Demons 28

Friday, August 31, 2018

ES Preview: MSU vs. Utah State

Michigan State Spartans (0-0, #11 AP) vs
Utah State Other Mormons (0-0)


August 31, 2018.  7 pm.  BTN.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI.
Weather:  79 and sunny

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #9, USU #79
Line:  MSU -23 1/2

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL??!!  Bring on that other team in Utah, Utah State University, which are the Aggies officially... but we really know they are the Other Mormons. 

I saw their plane arrive early this morning, flying in what looked like a B-52 very low over Grand Ledge.  (Since Mormons don't condone violence, it was probably just a low flying cropduster... at 5 am).  When they landed, the Other Mormons realized they intended to make their return to conquer Beaver Island, but instead arrived about 250 miles south at the Grand Ledge airport. The Other Mormons are directionally challenged (Jerusalem is across the Atlantic Ocean, not in Utah), but shall arrive in an Amish caravan in East Lansing sometime this afternoon.

Other Mormon plane arriving early Friday morning in Grand Ledge
So, are we scared of the invasion?  Nope.  But, they bring with them a beautiful day and an excuse for a tailgate!  Should be sunny at kickoff, upper seventies, and with grill, friends, and beer in hand - BRING ON FOOTBALL 2018!

ES sez:  Michigan State 38, Utah State 13
Smig: MSU 36-10
Sloth:  MSU 27-10
Keith: MSU 20-17
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU 42-6
RGM3:  MSU 41-21

Enlightened Spartan Predictions for 2018 Season

IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON!  

Time to welcome Utah State to town for the 2018 season's opening shit-kicker!!!! As such, let's forecast the season from some of the most loyal of the ES' Spartan Nation.  They've chimed in with a response to several questions about the Spartans this year...

GO BIG GREEN!

ES sez:
Final Record, Ranking:  11-2, #6
Chance to win B1G Championship: 33%
Team liked the least: Michigan
Beer to be served at opening tailgate:  Maybe some PBR on ice?

Kat.
Final Record, Ranking: 10-2, #7
Chance to win B1G Championship:  50%
Team liked the least:  Michigan
Beer to be served at opening tailgate:  Two Hearted

Sloth.
Final Record: 9-3
Final B1G Record: 7-2
Chance to win B1G Championship:  33%
Team liked the least:  This is the most stupidest question ever asked.
Beer to be served at opening tailgate: If Hirko is bringing the beer, it will be lukewarm and served with a heaping side of VH II.

J Rand.
Final Record,  Ranking: 15-0, #1 - National Champions
Chance to win B1G Championship:  100%
Team liked the least:  Illinois
Beer to be served at opening tailgate:  Cheap

Keith.
Final Record, Ranking: 11-2, #7
Chance to win B1G Championship:  20%
Team liked the least:  Ohio State
Beer to be served at opening tailgate: Oberon

Big Bob. 
Final Record,  Ranking: 11-2, #10
Final B1G Record: 7-2
Chance to win B1G Championship:  50%
Team liked the least:  Michigan
Beer to be served at opening tailgate: Two Hearted

Kzoo Michelle.
Final Record,  Ranking: 10-3, #14
Final B1G Record: 8-1
Chance to win B1G Championship:  50%
Team liked the least:  Michigan
Beer to be served at opening tailgate: Oberon

RGM3.
Final Record,  Ranking: 10-2, Outback Bowl
Final B1G Record: 7-2
Chance to win B1G Championship:  42.69%
Team liked the least:  mother fucking Michigan
Beer to be served at opening tailgate: Two Hearted

Big Joe and Phantom 309.
Final Record, Ranking:  11-1, #6
Team liked the least: Ohio State
Beer to be served at opening tailgate: cheap and cold

PEANUT BARREL
And, over the summer, the ES popped into the Peanut Barrel to ask both Joe and Skuz about their predictions and thoughts... it seemed unanimous among the experts at the PB that the over/under for Spartan wins was 9... with a likelihood of 10-2.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Business trip to San Diego. Gorgeous.

This was a business trip.  Let the pleasure begin.

Let me get some dispersions out first: Weather has been awful the last four days.  80 degrees and sunny the whole time.  Sweating.  Wearing shorts, drinking on patios.  Horrific. 

Go GREEN!  Indeed
Now for the fun: Wow.  What a performance.  What a day!  Started with ES in the Holiday Bowl Parade (uber cool).  High-fiving Spartans up and down PCH and downtown San Diego. 

Gotta get on the parade!  SPARTANS HAVE IT GOING ON!!!!

The game?  Complete, absolute perfection.  What can you say about the Holiday Bowl performance out of Michigan State?  You would have thought we were playing Davenport University - not Washington State.  ES is up and down all day in SD: "We got this."  Yup. 

Wore shorts and flip-flops to the game to watch a thorough dissection of a decent team.  Surgery.  We destroyed our opponent.  The Cougs had no answer for the Spartan offense.  None.  Brian Lewerke put on an absolute clinic.  Top shelf performance - throwing darts all over the field and running wild.  MVP performance? Absolutely.  73 yards on the ground.  213 in the air.  3 TDs.  Whaaaa???  You just had to witness it.  That first TD, Lewerke scrambling... and all of us in the crowd could see Cody White work from right to left in the end zone and yell "HE'S OPEN!!!!!"  And Lewerke just threw a strike.  It was beautiful.  Tears.

Game over, man. 
The ES has been hard on Dave Warner.  But, this time he worked.  Made that team from western Washington look like little school girls.  Beautiful. We pounded the ball early (and late).  That 16 play, 9:24 drive was gorgeous, ending with the aformentioned TD to Cody White.  Totally smoking hot. 

And... the game was over. Because we cut Lewerke loose and he started throwing the ball all over the place.  We established run, and then did pass.  It was a complete checkmate.  Genius. Not rocket science. Just smart.

The defense was well prepared for crossing routes.  Very well prepared.  Stuffed the run.  Wazzu couldn't run shit - WSU lost their QB and 2 WRs before the game... but it didn't matter if they were playing.  100 times if we played them, we beat them 100 times.  MSU is just in a different league and prominence that WSU - and it showed.

Lewerke just went nuts.  Throwing beautiful passes all over the field.  Felton Davis dropped one ball on the day, but he was WIDE OPEN on several others.  The second TD, the Spartan Nation yelling "HE'S WIDE OPEN!!!" Lewerke didn't miss.  Hit Davis is a stride 49 yards right into the end zone.  The ES was crying in joy.  Just throwing darts. 

Just part of the domination.... 
FYI - ES just ran into a dude here (Louie) at the Waterfront Bar in San Diego - he went to scUM - congratulated us on our stomping. 

And then, Warner went back to LJ Scott.  Beautiful.  And LJ is running like Barry Sanders all over the place.  Beautiful. 

Victory!  An absolute ass-whipping. 
Went to the after party at the #barleymash here in downtown SD - bar just keep playing all MSU videos from the past year, place was jammed with Spartan crowd.  All night long. Very very cool.  The owner is a Spartan. 

Keep on a Rockin'-me baby... 

All in all.  What a day.  What the hell is next?  SD Alumni watch party for MSU-Cleveland State???  Woop woop.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Enlightened Preview from San Diego: MSU vs Wazzu

We gotta gut the pirate, Mike Leach

#16 Michigan State vs #18 Washington State

SDCCU Stadium (it's a credit union)
Holiday Bowl

6 pm PT.  ES is in San Diego. 

Weather:  right now it's perfect: 72 and sunny.  
Kick tomorrow: 60.
TV: FS1

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #25, Washington State #27

Line:  Spartans favored by 1-1/2

Are you jealous?  You should be.  The ES is in San Diego for the game - with a shoutout to my buddy Smig who wuz gonna join me (who needs a ticket?) but got laid up in the hospital on Xmas eve. He's in rough shape - root for him!  

As expected, ES is distracted on his Cali vacation. Who wouldn't be? This is why we surf and turf, get a nice tan, watch girls in bikinis, and just in general fall asleep on the beach after a good night out at a tiki bar.   

But, read this about strength coach Ken Mannie and why MSU is such a tight-knit group - it's very cool.  Then, ES needs to hit the MSU San Diego alumni social at 3 pm today... it's at the barleymash.

Analysis?  Meh.  Well Washington State has a shootout offense, and Michigan State has a nice defense, particularly against the run with a poor WSU rush game.  Wazzu dismissed their top two wideouts, but who cares - they will be tossing that pigskin all over in good weather; their QB (Luke Falk) is all-time leading passer in Pac 12 history; and MSU is not good on crossing routes.  Yet, MSU has a pretty good defense in key situations and DBs - forcing 13 INTs - are on point when necessary.  Big surprise from was QB Brian Lewerke coming into form - with a solid wideout corps - a year early. He's a significant running threat (best in MSU history???) with a good parlay of backs in LJ Scott, Madre London, and Gerald Holmes.

The biggest concern, in all honesty, is Dave Warner - the MSU Offensive Coordinator.  He can be extremely sketchy - with John L Smith-like play calling stupidity at the worst times.  If he can keep the foot on the throat of Wazzu when driving... maintain attack mode... then MSU should win going away.

In the meantime, ES is gonna sip on some beer & tequila, get a sun tan, and figure out what the hell to do other than look at ships and such. But, it will be outside!  
Gotta meet Mike.  Or, rather his friends.  I need more of these people!

Predictions:
Debbie Does Texas:  MSU 32-31
Oakland Ronnie:  MSU 34-28
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU 35-31
Aussie Paul:  MSU 45-0
RGM3:  28-17 MSU. 10 win season, bitches!

ES sez:  LJ Scott 38, Luke Falk 30

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Enlightened Preview: Michigan State at Rutgers

#16 Michigan State at #Nothing Rutgers
High Point Solutions Stadium
Piscataway, NJ

4 pm ET.  ES is in San Antonio:  3 pm CT.

TV: FOX

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #29,  Rutgers #89

Line:  Spartans favored by 2 TDs (14)

IT'S RIVALRY WEEK!  Nothing like playing your biggest rival on the last football Saturday of the year.  Gotta give it up to Jim Delaney for this scheduling - brilliant move to put the Spartans against the oldest football program in the history of the game. Idiot.

Big Bob joined the ES for the Rutgers game last year.  We drove all the way to New Jersey.  Tickets were $100 each, if you can believe it.  We ran into Doug (Spartan lover from DC) who sat next to us and cheered on the Big Green in our only Big Ten win of the year.

That's the tree that ES punted the football into. 
Landed on the top.  Shit you not. 
Travis Park, San Antonio.
Now to this year.  Yesterday was epic.  Started out the day going to a park and kicking my best punt of the year.  Seriously.  Beautiful spiral.  Ended up on the top of a tree.  Lost my ball.  Sucked.  But, then shot guns at shooting gallery, beer & tequila, went to a Hofbrau house, and actually took a nap.

By the way - LOVING the Big Green men's hoop machine.  The Spartans looked like a pro team last night vs UConn.  Wow.

Predictions:

Debbie Does Texas:  34- 10 MSU.
GVSU Gregger:  27-24 Rugrats.
Aussie Paul:  34-0 MSU.
Jack V:  24-10 good guys.
RGM3:  24-7 Michigan Agricultural College.
Oakland Ronnie:  35-14 MSU with Rutgers going up 14-0 in first quarter
Big Joe and Phantom 309: 38-6 MSU. Rutgers never should have joined the big ten
Glen Arbor Tom:  I just hope the weather sucks.

ES sez:  I miss my football 31, Jimmy Hoffa 10.

FYI - Mike:  Best PAINT JOB EVER!!!!!!!!  Please don't rain on that paint job!




Sunday, November 19, 2017

Graham Couch LSJ: "Spartan Stadium crowd was disappointing" - GET WITH THE CROWD

Worst weather ever.  EVER .  Snowglobe. 
This is what I sent to Graham Couch of the LSJ today, someone who I respect... but I think he needs a few more years in his gut first after reading this crap. My response - DON'T YOU DARE MESS WITH THE MSU FAN BASE. GET YOUR ASS IN THE STANDS FOR 4 HOURS LIKE ME.

------------------

I did my best. I stayed until 4:30 in the 4th quarter and was frigid and shaking with freezing bones and arms.

I don't appreciate your comment about the Spartan fan-base. You should have been with me the whole game instead of in your cozy box. Your writing is disappointing. I tried. I was there.

Why don't you come stand with me for 3 hours the next time and get soaked in rain FIRST and then watch the temps dive below freezing and the winds pick up? I had Spartan friends fly in with their kids from FLORIDA to watch this game and they left early. You are disappointing with your comments. I throw the blame back on you for even stating as such. How DARE YOU bring up the fan base. Get your ass out of the press box for 4 hours and in the stadium. That's BS. I'm very very upset with what you say.

If we were #1 in the country playing Alabama, that stadium would not be half full. No way, the weather was AWFUL. Get out of your comfort seat for 4 hours and join me next time. That is my invitation to you. See you in Florida where it is warmer.

Yes, I am going to put this on my website and criticize you - it's just not fair. Your statement is biased and privileged. 

If you were to first, be like us, then criticize us. That's fine. But with your report - You have no right to say that. I will blast you on social media. Take me on - it's fine. I have no problem.

-----------------

Freezing our asses off.  Why bother in 124?  Deeter.
I'll be damned if I was gonna leave.  
Colder than a ticket-taker's smile at the Ivar Theater on a Sat night

Friday, November 17, 2017

Enlightened Preview: #17 Michigan State vs. Maryland

#17 Michigan State vs Maryland Trailer Park
East Lansing, Michigan

November 18, 2017.  4:00 pm ET.
TV: Fox

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #28, Maryland #74
Line:  MSU by 16

Comments:  Maryland is on their 4th quarterback.  Sorry, but game over.  After burning the tape last game, it's time to hit the reset against an offense that couldn't down a whiskey-shine in a shit box.

Predictions:
  • Sloth: MSU 6-0
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 44-17
  • RGM3: MSU 35-10
  • Debbie Does Texas: MSU 37-21
  • Chris Zeck: MSU 2-0.  Walk off safety!
  • Brock: Bad weather tomorrow. I’ll go with 14-10 MSU.
  • PB crowd:
    • RAIDERS Ronnie - MSU 34-14. MSU will score on every offensive possession (include FGs)
    • Raiders' better half Mackenna - MSU 28-21
    • Skuz:  MSU 34-17
  • Gregger:  32-17 Big Green TD Machine
  • Antioch C: Home game...mad about last week....running game will get going...sans fumbles... - MSU 24 & UMD 10
  • ASHE Jeremy: Bad weather? We got this. 19-18
  • Aussie Paul: MSU 56-0
ES sez:  Turtles: Go back to your trailer park.


Final score: Senior Day 31, Trailer Park 13. 

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Enlightened Preview: Spartans at Buckeyes

Welcome to reality Oscar Meyer
#12 Michigan State at #13 Ohio State
Ohio Stadium, Columbus, OH

November 11, 2017 - VETERANS DAY
11 CT - 12 ET

TV:  Fox
Sagarin Ratings: MSU #22, Ohio State #6
Line: Ohio State by 15-1/2

Comments:  Thank you Vegas for poster board material!  Even the Buckeye-faithful think the bookies are smoking crack.  Best bet in America.  Dantonio has his team on a roll... watch out. The end.

Predictions: 

Debbie Does Texas: MSU 34-21
Sloth:  MSU 12-10
Grand Valley Greg:  OSU 34 - MSU 17
Gobble Gobble Turkey: 17-9 MSU
Oakland Ronnie: 31-17 MSU
Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 35-OSU 31
RGM3: MSU 24 Osu 21. Michael Geiger 2.0. Book your hotel stay. We going to Indy
Aussie Paul:  MSU 36-0

ES sez:  Doubting is done.  Buckeyes be done.  Follow the lead of RGM3: we going to Indy.  Another last second TD - and PAT - wins.

Buckeye Masters 27,  Ohio State 26.  

Monday, November 06, 2017

Photologue: MSU v Penn State

Photologue from Saturday, starting with the game winner...

The winner.  Clock says :02.  Brilliant

Isn't she freezing?  Fox tailgate

Before the storm

Real fans - diehards return

Blurry is accurate

Just a great football game to watch.  Brutal

Yup, we were right on top of the action.  Very loud.  

Incredible effort by the Big Green.  On the way to victory.

Score and kickoff... Cold, wet, fun!!!!  LOUD!!!