It's March Madness, NCAA tourney time, and yes, the Michigan Wolverines are dead. A coincidence? The ES thinks not.

While an autopsy of the Wolverine mascot is to be performed, we already know the cause of death: succumbing to 15 years of basketball dominance at hands of Michigan State, concluding with a 64-48 season-ending destruction on March 6 to finally put the Wolverines out of their misery. Said David Brandon, the University of Michigan's newest athletic director, "It is indeed a very sad day for the University of Michigan family. We have asked that following the autopsy, the body be returned to Ann Arbor for proper burial and a constant reminder of our basketball team: we're better off dead."