Jesus Harbaugh has another thing coming The Enlightened Spartan: Jesus Harbaugh has another thing coming

Friday, October 28, 2016

Jesus Harbaugh has another thing coming

MSU will be favored by 25-30 points. The Vegas pundits flipped the line, unknowingly. Just a glitch in the system in Sin City.

This is the greatest Spartan team ever. Talk about sandbagging? This is Clark Kent and James Bond wrapped into one - pure genius. Wait 'till the cape is changed! Gotta give coach Mark Dantonio credit - he really pulled one over - absolute genius. Dropping passes? Not converting third downs? Injuries? Brilliant! Couldn't be a better ruse. If I didn't know it, we'd be 2-5. Oh, but we are.

"Wow, we got them on the ropes. The Alabama game was part of the master plan," explained Coach D. "You haven't seen anything yet. We plan to stink it up so bad, people will be shocked with the win in the end." Coach D was referring to the 38-0 whitewashing in the Cotton Bowl as a seminal moment to turn the tide in the Spartans' favor to national prominence.

Sheer brilliance. And, I thought I had seen it all. Faking talent and poor play calling... missing Narduzzi... it all adds up.

"We have been working on trick plays all season," said Dantonio. "Plays such as off tackle-right, and the draw play. They've worked according to the master plan."

"We have the talent of this team underwrap all season, and on Saturday we are opening up a can of Whoop-Ass!" Dantonio then showed a Fed Ex receipt of his shipment to coach Jesus Harbaugh that listed a $17.99 pair of Depends and he was asked to defend his actions. "Just trying to be helpful as a fellow coach."

"In the spirit of sportsmanship, MSU will only play 10 players a side for the game to make it even," said Coach Dantonio. He announced the third string quarterback, Blake Elwerke, would start. "This year, we've particularly enjoyed burning redshirts [eligibilty] this year to create this curveball... now we're going to cut it loose! Seven of eight [MSU victories over Michigan] was just the beginning. Mike Hart knows what I am talking about. Make it 14 of 16 starting tomorrow."

Michigan State announced the anointing of the new college football God, and will roll out a red carpet emblazoned with the 49ers logo all the way to midfield. Spartan PA announcers will ask the fandom to "kneel for the great king of football, Jesus Harbaugh." as he enters Spartan stadium. Fans are expected to kneel and look to the skies for their savior. Harbaugh will waive a slight hand either way and proclaim this his day as conquering, much like Julius Ceaser entering the Roman Coliseum.

At the half, the Spartans stated they would serve Jesus Harbaugh steak and eggs in the locker room, with black-tied waiters pouring over his every move with Cabernet and cheerleaders at his whim. When asked the appropriateness of this move, Athletic Director Mark Hollis noted, "well, look to the skies! Our halftime show will have sky-painting welcoming the WalMart Wolverine Nation!"

During the conversation, Dantonio sat in a calm moment to discuss the need to construct a statue dedicated to Mike Hart on the MSU campus. "I tell you, he has done more for our football program in 7 years than anyone in the last 50. And, he's made me about $40 million. I'll pay to build the statue myself."

"I have to give Michigan credit for hiring an unproven coach like Jesus Harbaugh, who hasn't won anything in his life," said coach D. "As I recall, even his brother beat him in the Super Bowl, right? Gotta give Michigan credit for rolling the dice and paying him more than coach Saban before even winning a game."

"So, let's be honest. I feel bad for coach Harbaugh. He has tough shoes to fill - his predecessor, Brady Hoke, was 11-1 his first year... which supports how great Hoke was as a coach was to not score a TD and win " (relating to Michigan's 4-FG victory over Michigan State). "We will bring our humble shoes to Spartan Stadium on Saturday and pray for mercy. The players have been instructed not to run the score up on the mighty winged helmet."

Joe - UM 35-10 Noor - UM 28-7 Norm - UM 35-0 Skooz - MSU 38-31 ES - UM 35-13 ChiSpartan - UM 49-14