Enlightened Preview: scUMbags eating Korn The Enlightened Spartan: Enlightened Preview: scUMbags eating Korn

Thursday, October 05, 2017

Enlightened Preview: scUMbags eating Korn

Here's your scUM trailer trash, eating maize, while listening to Korn. 
And who's the starting QB for scUM? O'Korn.  Cornrolls, eating corn, listening to Korn, rooting for O'Korn.  Is there a God to help us from this madness?  

Michigan State (3-1, 1-0) vs. #7 scUMbags (4-0, 1-0)
Sagarin Ratings: MSU #27, scUM #13

October 5, 2017.  7:30 ET/Fox
Michigan Stadium
Ann Arbor, MI

Weather: 76, cloudy, 18 mph wind SSW
TV:  Fox

It's great for the ES to be flat, dead wrong.  ES picked a tank job against Iowa, and was proven wrong... as we needed only one week to prepare, and with a stout defense, win 17-10 against the Ugly Chickens of Iowa, not the two weeks necessary to be drubbed by the Irish.

OK, here I am with Big Bob and Don Middlebrook at Reno's reliving shitty weather games in our lives.  Thinking of the rain and wind this weekend in Khakiville leads to weather remembrance (in no ranking order) before we get to the predictions:
  • MSU hosting Florida Atlantic (2008).  Absolute pouring down rain, like the God opened up a firehose on Spartan Stadium.  It lasted ALL GAME LONG.  Bob and I were shivering, and it was 72 degrees outside.  There was no wind, the rain just came straight down, like a 4-hour shower.  QB from FAU tried to throw the ball, and the rain knocked it down.  Javon Ringer for MSU ran for 250+ yards, because there was nothing else to do. Hardest rainstorm I've ever experienced in my life.  
  • MSU hosting Northwestern (1989).  The Big Green clobbered Northwestern, 76-14 in EL.  The snow just DID NOT STOP.  Late November. Big Bob recalls the sweepers on the field after every possession to mark each 5 yards.  The ES remembers the student section throwing snowballs at the back of the NW players, and the PA announcer stating "please do not throw snowballs, you are endangering the players" as play was stopped. 
  • MSU at Illinois (2005).  Traveling to Illinois with ChiSpartan and Big Bob, when we arrived it was 98 degrees in late September.  And humid.  MSU roared out to a 61-7 lead in the middle of the third quarter, and Big Bob was yelling out "BELIEVE!!!!" (the Illinois phrase at the time) and the ES yelling "Get Zookified" (in reference to coach Ron Zook)!  But thousands of students at Illinois were wearing shirts that said "Ann Arbor is a Whore" and after the game dozens congratulated us, and begged us to beat scUM the next week.  
  • MSU losing to ND (2006).  In the remnants of Hurricane Katrina, the ES & Co. watched the beginning of the downfall of John L Smith in the pouring rain.  It's pouring rain and 40+ mph wind... why run for 12 yards a carry when you can throw in a monsoon?!  The ultimate of stupidity.
Let's get to the game:
2017 scUM Homecoming Queen, a 3.95 GPA Nuclear Physics major
What does one think of when one considers Ann Arbor?  non-contiguous streets.  Hippie wanna-bees having pot-smoking festivals between splitting atoms.  Challenged drivers. Great bread, bad teeth, and bad hair.  Watching "Wolf of Wall Street" with grandpa and kids.  $40 parking on someone's lawn... without a refresher?  Bad seating.  Construction on non-contiguous streets.  Almost-greatness always.  Trailer residence in abundance - why attend there, when you can park there?

Furthermore, what does one do when you read the contract of the second wealthiest coach in the nation?  $4,000 khaki allowance. LOL.

'Enough.  MSU better offense vs UM great defense. UM average offense vs MSU good defense.  Seems even-steven to me.  Last to screw up, other team wins.


  • Big Bob: MSU wins 19-16, with a safety in hand.
  • RGM3: Heart says MSU, Brain said UM... Heart wins out. 21-20 MSU
  • Sloth: 23-7, Goodguys.
  • Australian Paul: MSU 38 - IOWA 0
  • Debbie Does Texas:  MSU 21-17
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309: two teams with good defenses and lacking offensive identities means we're in for a low scoring game, 10-9 MSU
  • Feather: 27-24 scUM
  • Don Middlebrook: A big Spartan fan, but I think it's a 24-20 Spartan loss... but we look good and next year we take 'em.
  • Lax Kaatz: Both teams give the ball away, but scum don't capitalize while MSU does. 20-17 good guys.
  • Oakland Ronnie: MSU 18-13
  • Carter:  scUM 31, MSU 17
  • Keith the Midget-man:  MSU 19-17
  • Kelly Butt:  MSU 17-10
ES sez:  surprise, surprise, surprise!  Coach D is the comeback king pulling a few gadget plays out of his hat at the right time in a defensive-minded game.  Spartan Nation 18, Homecoming Queen 16.

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