ES Gameday Preview: Mr. T vs Jesus

 Michigan State Spartans (0-1) at #13 Michigan (1-0)

Halloween, October 31, 2020. 12 Noon ET.
Michigan Stadium, Ann Arbor
TV: Fox
Weather: 42, sunny. Wind: 10 mph

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #83, Michigan #8
Straight outta Vegas: Michigan by 21-1/2

Well, here we are. The big game. MSU’s best chance was for the entire team to catch COVID. Unfortunately, the Spartans can’t even catch a virus. After giving the ball away not five, not six, but seven times to lowly New Jersey State University (actually it was 8, but a penalty wiped out one of the giveaways), the Big Green has to find a way to fix things real quick. Mr. T’s preseason goal to make it to the Quick Lane Bowl, RedBox Bowl, or Fenway Bowl are no longer options, canceled due to the COVID — so we need to find a way to get to 6 or 7 wins to play in the Poulan WeedEater Bowl. It’s said that teams improve the most between game one and game two – unfortunately, there are two teams playing today… Alas, not much hope in Mudville this season.

Chalk this one up to Jesus Harbaugh – the most interesting thing we can learn is… will he remember to wear his khakis today? The ES bets on the khakis.

Big Bob: Michigan 70, MSU 13
Sloth: Meatchicken 45-7
Keith: Blue 30-6
CHock: Michigan 35-6
Australian Paul: MSU 21-13
J Rand: Michigan 47-7
Kitty Cat: Michigan 42-3
ES sez: Michigan 31, Sparty 10.

Ha Ha Ha, Harbaugh: You are on your KNEES!

 OK, at first the ES was outraged.  Then, sitting next to Big Bob with mimosas and Bell’s Beer at the steady, we began to finally realize the brilliance of Mel Tucker.

This is all part of the master plan.  Let’s calm down, no worries Spartan Nation.  Getting your asses kicked is fun! Clearly we have the next $aban.  The 38 points allowed by MSU with a new coach (Tucker) in his first game was the most since his mentor, $aban, lost 50-10 to Nebraska in 1995. 

“The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.”  

Wow, that exactly is what we saw today in Spartan Stadium.  No passion and execution to succeed was on display by the men in green.  Ahhhh, but then we turn to Sun Tzu and realize the genius of Mr. T as we lead into our annual throwdown against the Yellow Jackets from Ann Arbor. 

Sun Tzu – “All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when we are able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must appear inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.”

We certainly deceived the enemy in Ann Arbor today.  It was pure genius; unable to attack, appearing inactive, far away from the action – that was Michigan State football in its greatest deception of the modern era.  Michigan – you have no idea the volume of destruction that is headed your way next Saturday.

Some of the action today was borderline confusing – QB Rocky Lombardi ambling along like a mentally deranged alcoholic on the gridiron, firing passes left and right for no reason.  The offensive line lacking any ability to block or “perceived” lack of ability to strike Rutgers’ iron wall defense. 

Brilliant. 

It is our ruse. Ha Ha Ha.  We got you right where we want you.  Thought you had us figured out, didn’t ya?

Next week, coach Tucker will release Armageddon.  

To quote Sun Tzu again, as is clearly coach Tucker’s strategy: “know yourself and you will win all battles.”  Oh, we Spartans know who we are.  We are proud and mighty, and a 11 point loss at home to mighty Rutgers is exactly the strategy that will bring your savior Jesus Harbaugh to his knees. 

See you next week.  Rest well, little people in Ann Arbor.  The time is ‘nigh. Grab your spears and pitchforks. We’re coming!

ES Preview: Mel Tucker hosts Greg Schiano

 We have new coaches for today’s Michigan State vs Rutgers matchup. Mel Tucker (5-7, Colorado) takes over for MSU. Greg Schiano (11-21 NFL Tampa Bay, 68-67 Rutgers) returns to New Jersey. Here’s the skinny:

Michigan State Spartans (0-0) vs Rutgers Scarlet Knights (0-0)
October 24, 2020. East Lansing, MI. 12 noon.
COVID tests: Who knows? It’s a secret.
Weather: 40/sunny, 5 mph wind.
TV: Big Ten Network

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #43, Rutgers #114
Line outta Vegas: MSU favored by 11

CHock: MSU 24-17
Big Bob: MSU 27-14
Keith: MSU 20-17
Cat: MSU 21-3
ES sez: MSU 27-26

2020 Spartan Football predictions

 

Here are the predictions for 2020 from coast to coast. We’ve got the most accurate predictions from those who have bled the most green over the past 35 years — from the Golden Gate to the Mitten to the Steel Town — we got you covered. This year’s COVID pandemic, along with new coach Mel Tucker (stolen from Colorado) has made this season more of a crap shoot in years’ past… so here’s the crap:

C Hock (San Francisco): 3-5

3-5, 9th out of 14, no bowl game. Offense is mediocre with Rocky at QB … need another year of O-line maturity, experience with new playbook and Day or Thorne winning the job before O turns it around. D unable to control the run like it has in the past and gets burned on long plays more than it has in the past.
W – @MSU 24, Rutgers 17
L – MSU 6, @ Michigan 35
L – MSU 17, @ Iowa 20
L – @MSU 21, Indiana 24
W – MSU 24, @ Maryland 20
W – @MSU 28, Northwestern 24
L – @MSU 6, Ohio State 38
L – MSU 13, @Penn State 24

Big Bob (Kalamazoo): 3-2

Listen up Fockers, it’s time to get over your Dantonio era hangovers. Sure we sucked ass the last two years. That just means we have nowhere to go but up. MSU will go 5-3 this year and finish 6th. There won’t be any non-playoff bowl games. I agree with chock that the D will be susceptible to getting burned on big plays but I think as long as we go with either Day or Thorne at QB and not Rocky the flying squirrel, we will surprise some people and score enough points on offense to overcome that. Why? Elijah Collins nearly reached 1,000 yards as a freshman last year. We also have Jayden Reed eligible this year. This guy sat out last year as a transfer from WMU where he was a freshman all-American. It would be really difficult for the offense to be any worse than it was last year, hopefully the o-line can provide just enough protection and push to spring these playmakers loose. Could I be wrong with my rosy forecast? Sure, we might only go 3-2 if Covid cancels some games. We can thank the geniuses running the big ten for their brilliant scheduling if that happens.

Sloth (Pittsburgh): 4-4
4-4, 7th out of 14, I would bet on no non-playoff bowl games this year, CMT will go with Rocky at QB, lots of running and aggressive D, he has put a great staff in place but is a couple of years away from really competing with the big boys – this year will be a throwaway and steady as she goes heading into spring practice.

Smig (Novato on Fire): 3-5
Sorry guys I am so far under water. Wish I could fit this into my schedule.

Cambier (Pontiac): 2-6
I’m not sure we can do better than 2-6. I just copy what chris hock said. He’s pretty much spot on….

Cat (Jackson): 4-4

J Rand (Clarkston): 6-2
6-2 it’s all upside!

The ES (Jackson): 3-5
It’s a transition year. The COVID will run rampant through East Lansing and Big Ten campuses… The ES doesn’t even know much about Mel Tucker, other than he has only coached for one year as a head coach in college, sporting a 5-7 record for Colorado. Ouch. That spells problem. Rocky Balboa is our quarterback, and very shaky history spelling for Brian Lewerke… most memorable performance was a god-awful 15-of-41 for 146 yards in a loss to Nebraska. He does have good legs, so let’s hope coach Tucker runs the option all year. The running game is our only hope, even though State has dynamite receivers. The ES does not expect to see Rocky raising his arms on the steps of the Philadelphia library this season. RBs are good (Elijah Collins), so let’s just run the damn ball. Kicking game? Matt “I can’t make ’em” Coughlin returns for his 8th year. So, it’s either touchdowns or doom or punt? At least we have 35-year old Grizzly Adams as our punter, straight out of Australian Rules Football. As for defense? It will be a step down from last year, which spells trouble. Biggest disappointment: MSU will lose to either Indiana or Northwestern (or both). Biggest win: MSU will beat either Indiana or Northwestern (or both).
W – @MSU 27, Rutgers 26
L – MSU 10, @ Michigan 31
L – MSU 13, @ Iowa 24
W – @MSU 20, Indiana 19
W – MSU 21, @ Maryland 17
L – @MSU 19, Northwestern 20
L – @MSU 10, Ohio State 42
L – MSU 10, @Penn State 38

Moving to wordpress

As of October 18, 2020, The Enlightened Spartan is moving to http://enlightenedspartan.wordpress.com.  

See you there and Go GREEN!