Friday, October 16, 2020

Moving to wordpress

As of October 18, 2020, The Enlightened Spartan is moving to http://enlightenedspartan.wordpress.com.  


See you there and Go GREEN!

Wednesday, February 05, 2020

Goodbye

As noted by the ES earlier this year, and as it came true, coach Dantonio thankfully gave the Spartan Nation relief and retired from coaching MSU football.  Thanks for the memories, but the last four years were particularly painful.  While expected eventually (sooner than later), the timing was odd with national recruiting signing day today (Feb 5).  Although coach D never had a "stellar" recruiting class, in his best years at MSU it seemed he always coached players up.... yet, 

...the last several years saw no improvement from beginning to end of the year, injuries mounting  consistently, and his recruiting has him into significant legal trouble with his role in recruiting "bad" folk (one of whom is still in prison)...  and recent allegations of NCAA violations - which may have been the final straw for him to call it quits.  But, from a football fan's perspective, Coach D served longer than necessary, and was incapable of making the tough decisions to improve the football team above average: coach D's inability to fire his staff who put Spartan footballers in bad positions, terrible play calls time and again, strange personnel substitutions of inexperienced players at critical times in games, and publicly supporting his staff's poor decisions.  He looked tired and lost his edge.

But, hanging the Spartan nation out to dry for a $4.3 million bonus  is really not the best way to leave.  Most of us in life would love a multi-million dollar bonus for our 10+ years of work, but to take it and then walk away two weeks later really is thankless.

Loved your goodbye message at the Spartan men's basketball game:  15 seconds was as much as the ES could bear to hear.  Kind of interesting, your appearance was vicissitudinous: MSU lost the game.

Thanks for the first 10 years and goodbye.

Coach Dantonio's mood since 2016

Friday, December 27, 2019

ES Preview: Pinstripe Bowl vs Wake Forest


Michigan State Spartans (6-6/4-5) vs 
Wake Forest Demon Deacons (8-4/4-4)


December 27, 2019.  3:20 pm ET.
TV: ESPN
Pinstripe Bowl. Yankee Stadium, New York City
Weather: 52, cloudy.

Sagarin Rankings:  MSU #37, Wake Forest #58
Vegas Line:  MSU by 4


The Spartans rang the opening bell at the NYSE on Dec. 26. 

Their stock this year was disappointing.

Well before the bowl selection show on December 8, the Michigan State Spartans knew they would be slotted to play in a baseball stadium as their final game of the year.  MSU football's statistical rankings compare similarly to that of the Detroit Tigers - for instance, the Tigers losing 114 games in 2019, and the Spartans ranked 107th in scoring offense in the NCAA.

NY Yankee's Randy Levine
New York Yankee president Randy Levine expanded on why the Yankees fought hard to outbid other outstanding bowl competition from the Quick Lane Bowl, Cheeze-It Bowl, Camping World Bowl, and others: "We learned our mistakes back in the Gotham Bowl in 1962: too much offense," said Levine. "The New York Yankees now have a laser focus to find at least one team that best resembles the scoring output of our Yankee team - last year, the Yankees scored nearly six runs a game [5.8], and Michigan State's scoring output is a proper fit."

One particular bowl stood out in Levine's comments in trying to land the Spartans: "As a historically successful franchise, we used our tough negotiation tactics with the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl to land the Spartans," added Levine.  "As a compromise, Titus (O'Neill, the Gasparilla Bowl Chairman) said we'd have to also select an unknown basketball school.  Wake Forest was the obvious other choice."

The Yankee organization released information with further notes on why they worked so hard to select Michigan State, comparing the team with similarities to the Detroit Tigers: the Tigers being sued for wrongful termination, the Tigers finishing last in scoring in the AL, the Tigers sporting ugly uniforms; and, the Spartans being sued for wrongful termination, the Spartans finishing last in scoring among true Big Ten teams, the Spartans sporting ugly uniforms.

"The bowl selection process worked as well as it ever has," concluded Levine.



Steely Dan is to perform "Deacon Blues" at halftime.

Baseball yes, football no? Yes, Yankee Stadium was meant to be for today's matchup.  Today's starting lineup:

P - Brian Lewerke
SS - Cody White
1B - Elijah Colins
2B - Jalen Nailor
3B - Matt Seybert
LF - Josiah Scott
CF - Kenny Willikes
RF - Tyriq Thompson
DH - Raequan Williams
Bullpen - Rocky Lombardi, Theo Day

Outlook:  The ES expects Brian Lewerke to have several wild pitches in this game, as he has for much of the season.  If Lewerke can get the ball over the plate on a regular basis, unfortunately we can expect many errors from Spartan fielding, with drops by Collins, Nailor, White, and Seybert leading the Big Ten this season.  At the plate, Raequan Williams and Kenny Willikes have also been a disappointment with few home runs in big games, registering just one sack each against nationally-ranked competition in 2019.  Godforbid the Spartans actually get to their Detroit Tiger-inspired bullpen, with incompetent pitching of backups Rocky Lombardi and Theo Day.  In sum,  expect an error-filled, offensively offensive game from the Spartans.

Predictions:

Smig:  Rutgers wins in the cold
Big Bob: Lewerke throws for 637 yards and the Spartans win 52-0.
Oakland Ronnie: Wake forest wins 45-24 all points coming from Theo day entry into the game in the third quarter on.
RGM3: MSU 24-21. Game winning fg as time expires.  Theo Day throws for 180 and 2 TDs.
Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 27-14
GVSU Gregger:  MSU 21-17
The Duchess of Kirkaldy:  Wake 27-14

ES sez:  Wake 27-17

Saturday, November 30, 2019

ES Preview: Thank God This Season is Over

MSU Spartans (5-6/3-5) vs Maryland Terrapins (3-8/1-7)
November 30, 2019.  3:30 pm.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI

TV:  FS1
Weather: 36 cloudy, wind 11 mph from the East

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #34, Maryland #99
Vegas Line: MSU by 22 1/2

Instead of watching this crap, the ES is will be at the theatre
watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

Predictions:

MSU sucks.  Maryland sucks lots worse.  End of season. This season has been a waste of my time and energy.  Next loss: Quick Lane Bowl, Detroit, vs Central Michigan.  December 26.  8 pm ET.

ES sez:  Michigan State wins 21 - 10.

Saturday, November 23, 2019

ES Preview: The Toilet Bowl

MSU Spartans (4-6/2-5) at Rutgers Scarlet Knights (2-8/0-7)

November 23, 2019
12 noon ET
SHI Stadium, New Brunswick, NJ

TV:  Fox Sports 1
Weather: 45 and sunny

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #37, Rutgers #134
Vegas Line:  MSU by 21.

What it looks like playing Rutgers for the bottom of the B1G
Coach Dantonio stated this week that he intends to stick around for another year.  Yay.  How exciting.  That means the ES will not renew his season tickets - the ES won't witness more of his garbage on grass. Hopefully new AD Bill Beekman will smell the coffee and make a call to Pat Narduzzi at Pitt to beg him to return to East Lansing and rebuild what his old boss has so methodically ruined.

MSU by 21?  What a joke.  MSU can barely score 10, let alone 21.  Remember last year?  MSU won, 14-10.  Expect something similar.  Note:  The ES almost hit the nail on the head last week, prediction of 41-10 scUM vs 44-10 actual.

Predictions:

RGM3: Rutgers 35-7
Greg:  MSU gets back on track
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU 27-24
Sloth:  Beekman & Dantonio 60, Sloth 0.
Australian Paul:  MSU 28-3
Chef Tom:  Maryland by 14.  LOL.
Oakland Ronnie: 34-31 MSU game winning field goal gets missed but a flag is thrown and gets attempted again successfully
Kat:  MSU 3-0.

ES sez:  MSU 20-14.

Saturday, November 16, 2019

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

MSU Spartans (4-5/2-4) vs Michigan Wolverines (8-2/4-2)
Michigan Stadium, Ann Arbor, MI
November 16, 2019. 9 am Pacific Time.

Weather:  does it matter?

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #30, scUM #11
Vegas Line: scUM by 13-1/2


Prognostications:

Thank God the ES is visiting his pops in Gig Harbor, Washington State.  Thusly, the game is at 9 am. The whole day to enjoy with family after the ass kicking from scUM!

Tomorrow will be yet another poor showing - this time against the Evil Empire. Make it 5 losses in a row. This coach, Mark Dantonio, is clueless and relies on buffoons to coach the walking wounded. 'Tis clear as day: point to consistent years of poor substitutions and curiously poor clock management. Not to mention poor execution. Unfortunately, Coach Dantonio is using the playbook from John L Smith.  Only God knows why.

Against Michigan, a day at the woodshed will be the icing on the cake for Dantonio’s departure.

It’s the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine.  Thank you sir, may I have another?

  • Sloth: Dantonio is fired by Monday morning. F**k that asshole.
  • Cam: I probably wasted 100 dollars on a ticket
  • Keith: pset....sparty wins. . Because thats what happens when everybody loses hope. Naaaahhhh. Were gonna get killed.
  • Chock: scUM 10, MSU 6
  • Smig: I predict a bloodbath.
  • RGM3: 2-0 Michigan. Another sad day in paradise. Hopefully dantonio tells the players he’s retiring at the end of the season tomorrow in his pregame speech and gets the boys ready for one more Michigan game for him.
  • GVSU Gregger: 34-10 Michigan.
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309: 30-24 MSU blocks a game winning FG for scUM and runs it back for a TD as time expires.
  • Australian Paul:  MSU 21-7
  • Mike (ES’ Dad): scUM 28-7
  • Queen Kat, Duchess of Kirkcaldy: scUM 21-10

ES sez: scUM 41-10

Saturday, November 09, 2019

ES Preview: Getting Worse vs Rapidly Improving

MSU Spartans (4-4/2-3) vs Illinois Fighting Illini (5-4/3-3)
Spartan Stadium
East Lansing, MI.  3:30 pm ET.
November 9, 2019

Weather: 41 partly cloudy.  Winds: 11 ssw.

Vegas Line:  MSU by 14-1/2 (yes, they are smoking crack in Sin City)
Sagarin Ratings: MSU #23, Illinois #77 (Jeff Sagarin in high on the pipe, too)

A mantra of football is that your team is supposed to get better as the season goes along.  That certainly is happening with Illinois; but the Spartans are going in the complete opposite direction, dropping like a rock.

Bum Phillips gave the ultimate compliment to good coaching: 

"He can beat his'n with your'n.  And he can beat your'n with his'n."

The one and only Bum Phillips, telling it like it is
Well, Bum certainly was not talking about coach Dantonio, who can't beat anyone with anyone's talent.  It has been a very disappointing season of playcalling on both sides of the ball, missed assignments, lack of a pass rush, dropped passes, poor quarterbacking.

Expect that to continue today vs the Illini:  until things fundamentally change, don't expect any Spartan improvement.  FYI: Illinois beat Wisconsin.  MSU lost to Wisconsin, 38-0.  'Nuff said.

Prognostications:

CHock:  MSU 12-10
Keith: MSU loses
Big Bob:  ILL 17-10
Sloth: 40,000 empty seats, and a lot of boos. 27-6, tRed Granges.
RGM3: 27-10 MSU. We somehow cover.
Big Joe and Phantom 309: 14-6. The defense remains stout and the offense manages to score one TD.
GVSU Gregger: MSU 21-17
Queen Kat:  MSU 17-10

ES sez:  Illinois 21, MSU 17.

Saturday, October 26, 2019

ES Preview: Time to Retire vs the Undefeated

MSU Spartans (4-3/2-2) vs #6 Penn State Nittany Lions (7-0/4-0)
October 26, 2019.  3:30 pm ET
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI
TV:  ABC
Weather:  49 and rain.  Wind: 10 mph from the East

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #21 (???), Penn State #6
Vegas Line:  Penn State by 5

Image result for penn state chocolate
Penn State gonna twist up Sparty like a pretzel
It hurts to write this but, gotta be honest with this preview:

In the wet and cold rain, with an ineffective Spartan passing game going up against a staunch defense in Penn State, the Spartan Nation can expect the soggy, butterfinger Spartans to forgo the run and pass themselves to defeat.  The season got ugly two games ago, and it's just getting worse...

Prognostications:

Australian Paul:  MSU 28-24
Poke: 90% chance of rain for the entire game. 6-0 for whichever team recovers a muffed punt inside the 20 yard line.
Chris Zech:  PSU 43-8
Big Joe and Phantom 309: 31-17
GVSU Gregger: 27-10 PSU
RGM3: 24-21 green and white guys
Big Bob:  PSU 98-3
Sloth:  I will hate Dantonio even more
C Hock:  PSU 7-6
Kat:  still sleeping

ES sez:  PSU 28-7 

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Time for Dantonio to retire

Ahhhh. What it is, to have $50 million in the bank, with a Rose Bowl victory, three Big Ten titles, a berth in the CFP playoff, and the winningest coach in school history.  The roses smell sweeter each year, the farther away you are from them. 

MSU Spartan football coach Mark Dantonio, in his back-to-back shellackings vs Ohio State and Wisconsin, and especially the 38-0 whitewash against the Badgers, should be wanting of the sweet sands of Hawaii, or Samoa, or wherever the hell is warmer than Michigan in mid-November to get a fun suntan.

Coach D has lost his mojo. 

And, yes, coach D, YOU are the dumbass for not firing incompetent staff. The ass-kicking loss to Wisconsin puts MSU in the crosshairs of yet another 7-6/6-7/mediocre/whatever season reminiscent of John L Smith and Bobby Williams.  Getting your ass kicked 38-0 ain't fun when you can't get more than two first downs in three quarters and your QB is not confident enough to throw the ball farther than 10 yards because of the landslide of a pass rush he is facing. Boy, this is similar to the end of the Duffy era... just kinda lost focus and steam.

Coach D - you are a defensive guru?  What happened to GOOD TACKLING and good PASS COVERAGE?  The "No Fly Zone" is now the "Target and Bomb Zone" with safeties unable to cover and make plays on bobbling balls.  That guy, Joe Bachie - your LB premiere - is missing gaps and missing tackles as if he was trying to jump at my puppy, Dolly Parton, in the back yard.  He couldn't tackle my dead grandma at his rate.  Tell him, and his vanishing roommate, Kenny Willikes, to suck down more spinach shakes. At least they are punishing themselves for their play with terrible taste in  food choice.

The ES is tired.  All of the incompetence from the last four (4) seasons is apparent.  Zero or one yard on first down means a pass on second (incomplete) which means a pass on third (sack/incomplete).  There are no interesting wrinkles.  Telegraphing and then running a jet sweep to the defense on second and long is dumb.  Your quarterback CAN'T LOOK ANYWHERE BUT ONE DIRECTION - where is the coaching? Lewerke looks lost, he can't look off any receivers.  Look at the tape. 

Where we, the Spartan Nation, are now is three years in the making.  Nebraska, Ohio State, Michigan, Maryland, Rutgers, Oregon, Arizona State, etc.  It will not change.  It is consistently bad coaching and poor execution.  Accountability is paramount.  Coach Dantonio - will you PLEASE FIRE SOMEONE?  Because you can't... you don't have the will (the cahunas) to get rid of dead weight on your staff.

You are a "foxhole guy"?  Dantonio, you are loyal to a fault.  Get someone loyal who can SHOOT AND HIT!!!!  Or, leave us and go to the islands - you have been provided a good furlough.  See you in Fiji, PLEASE!

Saturday, October 12, 2019

ES Preview: We don't need no stinkin' Badgers

Michigan State Spartans (4-2/2-1) at #8 Wisconsin Badgers (5-0/2-0)
Camp Randall Stadium, Madison, WI
October 12, 2019.  3:30 pm ET.
TV:  BTN
Weather: 48/cloudy.  It's windy - 19 mph SW


We don't need no stinkin' Badgers!

Line outta Vegas:  Wisky by 10
Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #15, Wisky #6

Prognostications:

Well, it's going to be cold and windy.  So, expect the Big Green to give up the running game and start throwing the ball into the wind, to be picked off time and again by the nation's #1 defense in Wisky (179 ypg).  Which means the nation's #2 ground gainer, Wisky's Jonathan Taylor (149 ypg), may just dice up this Spartan defense which  struggled against the run against Ohio State.

Sigh.  Saw this game last year in the agonizing RedBox bowl game, a 7-6 loss.  At least the ES is going to the Big D (Ole Shellelagh) to witness the slaughter... and go check out a winner - the 3-1 Detroit Red Wings vs the Toronto Maple Leafs!

  • Wisconsin State Journal: Wisky 21-13
  • Australian Paul:  MSU 14-10.
  • RGM3: Wisky 21-13.
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309: Wisky 35-6
  • GVSU Gregger: Wisky 28-10. 
  • Chris Zech:  Wisky 37-24.  Whiskey in a Jar.
  • Chef Tom (Glen Arbor): Straight Whiskey.
  • Eric J-A (Madison): Wisconsin 24-10. I will be at the game cheering for Bucky and empathizing with State fans. MSU wins only via injury or turnovers.
  • Doc: MSU 16-13. ES is so drunk by halftime, he misses Sparty pull it out.
  • Oakland Ronnie: MSU 23-10.
  • Keith: Wisky 24-10.
  • Carter (Bay Area, Cali): Wisky 35-14.
  • CHock (San Francisco): Wisky 12-6.
  • Sloth (Pittsburgh): Wisky 31-0.
  • Big Bob (Kzoo): Wisky 31-17.
  • The Future Queen of Scotland, Brexit Deal Be Damned (Detroit): Wisky 31-27.

ES sez...  Sparty 7, Wisky 21.  The march to greatness ends. 

Saturday, October 05, 2019

ES Preview: Big Green vs Ugly Fans

Yup, misplaced priorities in Columbus. 
And, nope Oscar Meyer is a wiener, not a president. Poor kid. 
#25 MSU Spartans (4-1/2-0) at #4 Ohio State (5-0/2-0)
October 5, 2019. 7:30 pm ET.
Ohio Stadium, Columbus, OH

TV: ABC-TV
Weather: 70/partly cloudy.  No real wind.

Vegas Line: Ohio State by 20.
What does Sagarin say? MSU #16... OSU #1

The ES woke up and took the dog outside to crap.  Instead, dog crapped in the house.  Nice. Then, put on a hat, get in the car, and stand in line to get Hinkley's Donuts for his gal.  Line was too long, so chocolate muffins from Cafe Lilla instead.  Working on window installation.  Where is my football?????  Well, time to publish this puppy and focus on Ohio State.

The ES hates Ohio State, some of the rudest fans ever - especially at the Big Ten Championship Game. The ES hopes we kick their arse.


Predictions:

  • Cleveland Plain Dealer: OSU 45-10, OSU 41-14, OSU 36-13
  • Freep:  OSU 31-16
  • Sergio: State a little Ohio a lot
  • Doc: Sparty 31, Hairless Nuts 17
  • Oakland Ronnie: MSU 18, osu 13. couches will burn.
  • Poke: Drink heavily...
  • Andy Sensoli: Depends on if there's a rain storm or not. OSU if it's a clear day. By 18 points. 31-13.
  • The Queen of Scotland: I predict I will not be anywhere near the ES after 7pm Saturday night:)
  • Australian Paul:  MSU 18-14 (9 safties, wow!)
  • Ruf (Thailand): Buckeyes 38-9
  • Keith: 21-20 MSU
  • CHock (San Francisco): OSU 17-6
  • Sloth: tOSU 45-6; I predict the game will later be vacated due to NCAA sanctions leveled against Terra Community College.

ES sez:  Ohio State 24, Michigan State 14.

Saturday, September 28, 2019

Magic Johnson vs John Cougar Mellancamp

#25 MSU Spartans (3-1/1-0) host Indiana Hoosiers (3-1/0-1)
Sept. 28, 2019.  3:30 pm ET.
East Lansing, MI - Spartan Stadium

TV:  BTN
Weather:  65 cloudy, wind NNE 8.

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #19, Indy #60
Line outta Vegas: MSU by 14



What the hell is going on?  MSU scores a phenomenal 7 points against Arizona State, despite the coaches doing everything to pitch a shut out.  Then, they come out and rip Northwestern 31-10?  ?? This is one up-and-down team.  At least we know the Spartan defense will show up...  hopefully they can score.

Luckily for the Hoosiers, the MSU Homecoming Parade was cancelled due to a thunderbolt storm last night - and the skies are clear today to have the game.

Predictions:

J Rand (Nashville): MSU 42-17
Big Bob (Kzoo): MSU 21-20
Sloth (Pittsburgh): MSU 6-3
CHock (San Fran): MSU 17-16
GVSU Gregger (GVSU): MSU 21-14
RGM3 (metro D): MSU 28-10
Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 28-3
The Queen of Scotland (Jackson): Who gives a shit? Indiana 17-13

ES sez... MSU 20, Indiana 10.


Saturday, September 21, 2019

No Offense vs. Good Coaching

Coach D and the Spartans

MSU Spartans (2-1/0-0) vs Northwestern Wildcats (1-1/0-0)
Ryan Field, Evanston, IL
September 21, 2019,  Noon ET.
TV: ABC

Line:  MSU by 8-1/2?  They're smoking dope in Vegas

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #15, Northwestern #57

In East Lansing, John L. Smith has returned to overthink the offense.  Why play your best running back (Collins) at the most important times?  Naaahhh, let's substitute him with someone (Hayward) who can't juke past a dying rhino.  Better yet, when we have time, let's run a Chinese fire-drill with time ticking down to kick a field goal... instead of spiking the ball to give the team more time!

This coach we have is being paid very well.  $4.39 million dollars this year, to be exact.  Yet, the Dr. of Excuses says "everything is happening real time, very fast" can't use his experience to save our skins.  Throwing the ball in 50 mph winds in a bowl game (RedBox), or ditching an effective run game to pass in sub-zero temperatures in BFE Nebraska, or switching to your backup QB on 4th down to run into a pile (Tulsa), or mismanaging the entire season by playing a hurt QB...  This is getting old.

As said countless times: MSU is is going to WASTE another dominating defense because of stupid coaching on the offense.  This is an average team at best. Coach Dantonio has lost his way.
 https://www.mlive.com/sports/2019/09/michigan-state-in-danger-of-wasting-another-dominant-defense-as-2018-season-seems-to-roll-on.html

Coach Fitzpatrick is EXACTLY what you want in a coach.  Putting his best players on the field at the best time and giving his players the best opportunities to win.  Our coach, takes our best players out and overthinks himself.  What happened to Coach D?  His trick plays?  Coaching up 3-star recruits?  He seems lost.

This hurts to write this, but it is true.  He didn't fire anyone.  Dr. Excuses, the "foxhole" guy will be loyal to the point of losing.  And, he has lost this faithful Spartan.

8-1/2 point favorites?   Shit, we can't even score more than 7.

Predictions:

  • Big Joe & Phantom 309 (metro D): 12-10 MSU the offense scores 3 points and the defense gets a TD and a safety to secure the game
  • GVSU Gregger (Gr Rapids):  MSU 24-17
  • RGM3 (Farm Hills): MSU 21-10
  • The Queen of Scotland (NY, NY):  AWOL
  • J Dog (Clarkston): MSU 17-13 in OT
  • CHock (San Francisco, CA):  NW 28-24
  • Keith (Pontiac):  MSU 20-17
  • Sloth (Pittsburgh, PA):  Frustration
  • Smig (Santa Rosa, CA): NW 14-3
  • Big Bob (Kzoo): NW 20-14. MSU’s offense will be twice as gooderer at moving the ball between the 20 yard lines as last week, so they will generate 808 yards of offense and lose the game 20-14. CHOCK response: "How the fuck will they ever score 14 points Big Bob? 6 Point Mark's offense is fine tuned for 2 made field goals (except last week, substitute 1 made TF... about the same)." BIG BOB response: "Easy. The D will have to score the 2nd TD."


ES (en route to be with J in Clarkston):  NW 10-6

Sunday, September 15, 2019

WANTED: NCAA DIVISION 1-FBS COACHING STAFF

MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL
Michigan State University is accepting applications for a new coaching staff for its NCAA Division I-FBS football team.  Specific opportunities include:  Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, position coaches (Offensive Line Coach, Wide Receivers Coach, Quarterbacks Coach).  It is requested applicants review video from the previous four (4) years of Michigan State football and its coaching decisions prior to application for the position.

Required qualifications include:
  • Ability to take responsibility for substituting best talent with sub-par talent in key positions (e.g. RB, QB) on key plays (particularly 3rd & 4th Down)
  • Understanding time management, particularly at the end of halves
  • Not imitating the head basketball coach by using timeouts in football as they are in basketball
  • Accepting responsibility for offensive production, despite injuries and officiating mistakes
  • Need to not defend incompetent staff members' decisions and instead terminate incompetent staff, particularly on offense
  • In a northern climate, ability to comprehend weather conditions (such as sub-zero temperatures and 50+ mph winds) and its impact on the passing game
  • Understanding the needs for the football program over individual significant player desires, despite players' loyalty and desires
  • Direct an offense which can score a minimum of 17 points per game on offense in each game
Desired qualifications include:
  • Using at least 10+ years of experience to make split-second decisions without delay
  • If demanding loyalty as a "foxhole individual," surrounding oneself with individuals who can shoot to kill (aka "score") beyond the want of loyalty  
  • Recruiting talented athletes with a positive charisma and response to academic expectations
Benefits:

  • Coaching young minds as Division I-FBS athletes at an internationally respected academic institution.
  • Prioritizing athletes' education once admitted
  • Minimum salary of $500,000 per year, with dozens of free tickets, free car and transportation, membership at country club of your choice, $5,000 worth of khakis, unlimited free athletics gear, competitive medical benefits, and compensation bonuses for B1G Championship and CFP qualifications. 

Starting date:  Immediately, in time for the beginning of the Big Ten season opener - September 21, 2019.

For more information, please contact the MSU Athletics Department at 517-355-1630.

Friday, September 13, 2019

ES Preview: MSU Spartans vs Arizona St Sun Devils


#17 MSU Spartans (2-0) vs Special People (2-0)

September 14, 2019.  4 pm ET.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI

Weather:  73 & sunny. Winds: 11 mph out of the West

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #7 (yes #7!), ASU #58.  Following his logic, Sparty should win by 23.
Vegas Line: MSU by 14-1/2

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR FOOTBALL!  SUNNY, WARM SKIES THROUGHOUT THE GAME! 

Last year, former Philly Eagles player-turned ESPN broadcaster-turned ASU coach Herman Edwards got his signature win courtesy of the Michigan State Spartans in an epic fail offensive offense debacle by Big Green... it was a premonition of the 2018 season.

Enough of the history.  ES likes the special teams of MSU (Hartbarger, Coughlin) and the defense of MSU as big-time pluses.  It will be a defensive game, this time with the Big Green on top.  Coach D, who will have most wins in MSU history, leads his press conference with this gem of a quote by Duffy:

"When you are playing for a national championship, it's not a matter of life or death.  It's more important than that."

What are they saying about their team, and about Michigan State, over in sunny & hot Arizona:  read it from the (ASU) State Press, or the Arizona Republic

Prognostications:
  • Arizona Republic (from six different writers, 1 picks Az State):  MSU 35-10, MSU 24-10, MSU 35-13, MSU 28-17, ASU 21-20, MSU 24-10
  • CHock (in SFO): L, MSU 12 @ ASU 14
  • Mary Cote (in Sacto - mom of ES' grade school friends): MSU 24 v AZ State 7. Made up the score but just want AX to lose so Cal can stay #1 in Pac 12. LOL.
  • Cyn (in Pitt, at 'gate tomorrow): MSU wins!
  • Poke (Grand Ledge): Michigan State 27 Arizona State 10. I am looking for revenge after traveling to the Valley of the Sun last year for the loss.
  • Australia Paul (Queensland, Australia): MSU 21-20
  • Chef Tom (Glen Arbor): MSU ugly
  • RGM3 (Farm Hills):  MSU 33-11
  • Gregger (GVSU): MSU 34-23
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309 (metro Detroit):  MSU 35-30
  • Big Bob (Kazoo): MSU will be twice as gooder as last week so they will win 102-34
  • Keith (Pontiac): MSU 37-10
  • Oakland Ronnie (E Lansing): MSU 20-6
  • Brink (E Lansing): MSU 35-13
  • Greg, the Pie Man (E Lansing): MSU 24-17
  • Kat, the post-Brexit Queen of Scotland (now in Jackson):  MSU 24, ASU 10 ....
  • ES sez: MSU 17, ASU 9

Friday, September 06, 2019

MSU Spartans vs Kalamazoo Broncos

Michigan State (#19/20, 1-0/0-0) vs waterlogged Western Michigan (1-0/0-0)

Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI
Saturday, September 7, 2019.  7:30 pm ET
TV: Big Ten Network
Weather:  70 & cloudy, wind 10 mph WNW

Vegas Line:  MSU by 16

Jeff Sagarin Ratings/Line:  MSU #23, WMU #75.  MSU by 16

Are the Broncos or the Spartans under water?
The Enlightened Spartan has decided the permanence of the Spartans' offensive futility agAinst anyone!  This truly is Sparta 300.  Defend until the death.  Wait to be attacked.  Do not go on offense.  Prepare for Battle! The best thing for the Spartans?  Get the offense OFF the field.  They suck so bad - the defense can score more than the offense.

FYI - Top 5 rush defenses in the NCAA after week 1:
5.  Penn State = 4 ypg
4.  Central Florida = 4 ypg
3.  Maryland = 1 ypg
2.  Syracuse = -4 ypg
1.  Michigan State = -73 ypg

Prognostications:
  • MLive:  MSU 34-7
  • Freep: MSU 27-7/MSU 17-7/MSU 24-10
  • DetNews: MSU 31-13/MSU 24-6/MSU 34-14/MSU 27-13
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 21-6.
  • GVSU Gregger: MSU 35-10.
  • RGM3:  MSU 34-13
  • Chef Tom: Spartan Defense outscores Western 16-3.
  • Sloth: WMU wins, 2-0, when Salem calls a jet sweep out of his end zone.
  • Big Bob's prediction:  MSU 15-14.  "Ok. Enough of this retirement gibberish. My prediction for the game tomorrow: MSU kicks five FGs and wins 15-14. A pathetic way to win. Matt Coghlin goes on to score all of MSU’s points for the rest of the season and wins the Heisman trophy... If I had to sit in the stadium and watch this offense struggle to keep up with a MAC team, I’d gouge my eyes out. Better to watch it on TV, so when that happens, I can turn it off and walk away.
  • Kat:  MSU 17-3.
  • Australia Paul: 21-17 MSU
ES sez:  Spartan defense does its thang, and nearly pitches a shutout.  Offense struggles again, gives up a pick 6 - talk is cheap.... prove it!   MSU 24-10.

Friday, August 30, 2019

ES Preview: MSU Spartans host Tulsa Time



Michigan State Spartans (0-0, #18/20) vs Don Williams, The Gentle Giant (0-0)

Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI
August 30, 2019.  7 pm ET
TV:  Fox Sports 1
Weather: 72, partly cloudy, 8 mph wind WNW

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #20,  Tulsa #111.  Projected margin of victory:  MSU by 25
Line outta Vegas:  MSU by 23 1/2

Never been to Tulsa.  The ES has been to Oklahoma - actually Norman, OK for an interview at the Univ of Oklahoma (ugly) where a tornado blast through the town, hitting the ES with hail on his 2012 visit.  Didn't care for the state then, and don't care today - especially today.

The Tulsa Hurricanes waltz into town coming off a 3-9 season.  Let's do a little quiz:

1.  What conference is Tulsa in?  a) Sun Belt b) AAC c) Independent d) Conference USA e) Big 12.
2.  Did former Ohio State Coach John Cooper really win five consecutive conference championships as coach at Tulsa?  a) Duh b) Nope
3.  Tulsa is a girls' school.  It is, or it was.   a) True  b) False
4.  Which infamous songwriter has an archive at U Tulsa?  (hint: "to be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again")

Answers at the bottom of the post.

Predictions for today's stint:

Tulsa World (newspaper): MSU 30-14
Sloth:  Sunny, warm, and drunk
Big Bob:  MSU 7-2.  MSU will win 7-2 with the defense scoring the only TD in the game. Rocky Balboa will be sacked in his own end zone, giving up 2 points in his only series in the game.
RGM3:  MSU 38-10
Oakland Ronnie:  MSU 42-10
GVSU Gregger:  MSU 34-17
Freep:  MSU 33-6
Wojo/Det News:  MSU 30-9
Sensoli: Dantonio is going to switch around his coaching staff again......42-14 MSU
Kat:  still sleeping...

ES sez:  MSU 30-6






Answers (ES tried to turn the font upside down, but that's out of his league in HTML):

1.  b) American Athletic Conference (AAC). Have not.
2.  a) Yes, he did.  Mr. Cooper is a member of the College FB Hall of Fame, he is.
3.  a) True. If you're from Tulsa, you don't smoke marijuana but you're proud to be an Okie from Muskogee.  From Wiki: The Presbyterian School for Girls (also known as "Minerva Home") was founded in Muskogee, Indian Territory, in 1882 to offer a primary education to young women of the Creek Nation.  The Tulsa Chamber of Commerce bought the school for $100k in 1907 with 20 acres of land to relocate it.
4.  Noble Prize winner for Literature, Bob Dylan.  See the archives.  Even so, still don't wanna go back to Oklahoma. 

Thursday, August 29, 2019

ES Foxhole Preview of your Michigan State Spartans

2019 FOXHOLE edition of the ES Season Preview of the MSU Spartans

ES been prevewin' since 2001 - beat that!
No, coach D didn't fire Dave Warner, with a lame excuse.  "I'm a foxhole guy," he said, noting loyalty.  And we all know coach D is TOO LOYAL (coach Warner, QBs Maxwell, O'Connor, and even Lewerke with injury)... As Sloth noted, "if I'm in a foxhole, I want someone who can shoot."  Umm, yeah, maybe Dantonio had a bad metaphor. 

That said, there's one bright spot:  the offense can't get any worse.  Another bright spot:  the defense should, once again, rank as the best in the country.   With the worst offense and best defense, Big Green ended up, predictably, 7-6 last year.  

Will the bright uniforms lead to more wins or will it help to blind the Spartan Nation from the agony on the field?  


Probably both.  The ES is bullish on the defense again (it is worth ticket price to see Bachie and Willikes... and see the d-interior of Panasiuk and Williams.  Potentially a No Fly Zone with Scott and Dowell with depth).  Offense is bearish, with more injuries on the line from preseason and an overall  ho-hum running corps.  But, it can't be worse than 2018.... can it? 

So, what do you say, pundits?  Here's the Sparty faithful giving its predictions:

It's that time of year! Need to know your thoughts for the 2019 edition of the Enlightened Spartan Season Preview: 1. Final Record for MSU (W-L). 2. Record in Big Ten (W-L). 3. Bowl Game Prediction? 4. Best Win (vs who, score, why?). 5. Worst Loss (vs who, score, why?). 6. Other general comments about MSU football. GO GREEN!
  • Keith: 7-5, 5-4 dantonio seems excited.....im not. Surprise me sparty !!!!#
  • Big Bob: 1) 6-6, 2) 4-5, 3) New President announces MSU won’t go bowling until it it has a real chance of victory, 4) WMU - the only game with more than one offensive TD scored, 5) OSU - Oscar Meyer is retired but his team will still win by 3 TDs, 6) MSU hoops team will win it all making it easier to forget about football woes
  • C Hock:  1.) 6-7 2.) 6-6 3.) MSU 6 vs. UCLA 14 in the Holiday Bowl 4) Best win: all of them because it means our defense will have held the opponent to under 6 points, which is very impressive 5) Worst Loss: all of our losses, because our defense will have held the opponent to 7 points (also impressive) but our offense would have failed to score more than 6 points. Make or break year for "6 point Mark"
  • Chef Tom: undefeated national champions
  • Carter: 1. 8-4: because it looks a lot better than 7-5. 2. 5-4: same reason as number 1. 3. Arby’s Au’ Jus Bowl. 4. Illinois...it would be sad if they lose this one. 5. UM because it is just sad. 6. All depends on the shoulder health of QB....wishing Lewerke, good luck!!! Defense could make us even better....help us beat UM or OSU....
  • Sloth:  1. 7-5 2. 4-5 3. The Fucking Fire Dave Warner Bowl 4. The Day That Dave Warner is Fired 5. Every Day That Dave Warner Is Not Fired 6. Nepotism sucks, and don't pay Lou Anna Simon a Goddamned nickel!!!
  • Oakland Ronnie:  12-1 Something and 1 Citrus bowl Northwestern: MSU 40 something nw 13. Offense finally arrives and avenges last years terrible showing to set pace the rest of the year. Loss: Michigan. Blowout victory for Michigan to warrant Jesus harbaugh’s position on the throne. All over the place with this one.
  • Doc:   1. 14-0 2. 9-0 3. Beat $aban in final 4. Tie between UM & Ala 5. Loss? That's sooo 2018 6. Back on top
  • RGM3: 1. Overall Record: 9-3 2. B1G: 6-3 3. Citrus Bowl 4. Best Win: Michigan 21-17 Revenge from last years disrespect they showed us 5. Worst Loss: Penn State 24-21 i think our luck against them will end even tho they are highly overrated 6. Dantonio needs 9 wins and show an improved offense or he should be heavily on the hot seat
  • Kat: MSU is 6-6/5-4 in Big Ten.  Cereal Bowl.  BEST: Tulsa.  WORST: Michigan. Go GREEN!
  • ES:  MSU ends up 10-2/7-2 in the Big Ten.  Citrus Bowl.  ES will take it.  
Here's a game-by-game breakdown:

MSU 30, Tulsa 6.
MSU 24, Western Michigan 10.
MSU 17, Arizona State 9.
MSU 17, @ Northwestern 13.
MSU 20, Indiana 10
@ Ohio State 24, MSU 10.
@ Wisconsin 21, MSU 7.  WORST LOSS.
MSU 21, Penn State 17.
MSU 30, Illinois 0.
MSU 14, @ Michigan 13.  BEST WIN.
MSU 28, @ Rutgers 7.
MSU 24, @ Maryland 7.


Tuesday, January 01, 2019

FIRE DAVE WARNER

Hey, Coach D: 

FIRE DAVE WARNER

or leave!

Sunday, December 30, 2018

ES Preview: Redbox Bowl

REDBOX BOWL 2018
Michigan State Spartans vs Oregon Ducks
MSU: (7-5 all, 5-4 B1G).  Nike: (8-4 all, 5-4 P12)
Sagarin Ratings: MSU #31, Oregon #33

Santa Clara, CA - Home of the 49ers
Dec 31, 2018.  3 pm ET.
TV: Fox

Line:  Nike is favored by 1-1/2

Best win:  MSU 21-17 over Penn State.  Oregon 30-27 OT vs Washington.
Worst loss:  MSU incompetent 6-9 at Nebraska.  ORE whipped 15-44 at Arizona.

Oregon has scored at least 30 points in 9 of its 12 games.  When losing, they've scored 15, 20, 25, and 31 points.  Yes, they score a ton.

MSU has given up LESS than 30 points in each game except one all year (the first game of the season).  The Spartan defense is world-class, better than that Michigan crap we saw in the Peach Bowl, and has kept MSU in games all year regardless of the ineptitude of the offense and OC Dave Warner.  That defense is great to watch, #1 across the board.

Yes, DEFENSE wins championships, and MSU has had a harder schedule than Oregon.  But, MSU's offense has been entirely mismanaged, bungled, and is inept at best.  In its losses, they've scored 13, 19, 7, 6, and 6.  Yes, they don't score.  MSU's offense is not well thought of by the Spartan Nation, after struggling until the 4th quarter to beat Rutgers in its last game.  (FYI, Rutgers is ranked 121st by Sagarin behind such national FCS powers as Dartmouth, Samford (not a typo), Colgate, UC Davis, and Kennesaw State).

The 14-10 win over Rutgers was the single-worst experience the ES has ever experienced in Spartan Stadium. Ugly, cold, rainy, and pathetic against a shit team.

Bottom line:  teams are supposed to get better as a season progresses - MSU has done exactly the opposite and become far worse.   That blame goes straight to coaching and to coach Dantonio. 

ES was so bored by the Spartans' effort in an empty, rainy, cold Spartan Stadium
in late November, he turned red-faced in honor of the Scarlet Knights,
with the sheriff and Dieter watching in laughter

Picks:
  • Kat:  Oregon, 27-7
  • Poke: MSU, 24-20
  • Zech:  Dux soup 27, Spartans 17. If LJ and Lewerke are 100% and play that way, maybe State pulls the upset 20-19.
  • Aussie Paul:  MSU, 45-0.
  • Chef Tom: I hope we do better than Purdue, Notre Dame and Michigan. Should be a piece of cake.
  • Big Bob:  Oregon, 42-7
  • Sloth: 1-0, both teams suck so badly on offense, that they will have to go to penalty kicks.
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309:  Ducking fucks 38-the shittans -4
  • RGM3:  Oregon, 24-14
  • Gregger:  Ducks, 34-27
ES sez:  Just no offense all year.  Prove it otherwise, coach D.  Regardless, you can score 100 points, WAKE UP AND FIRE WARNER.  Oregon will win, 31-17

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Michigan pouts after smack down in Peach Bowl

Maybe catch the ball next time, or get a more prepared coach? 
Stop pouting, you look silly. 

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Michigan State Declines Bowl in Advance of Invite


Spartans' Players-Only Meeting to Say "No" to Bowl

(East Lansing, MI. November 29, 2018.)——Earlier today, the 7-5 Michigan State football team held a closed-doors, players-only meeting to discuss the season and the eventual bowl selection.  And, the outcome was surprising: the Spartans will decline an offer to participate in any bowl appearance.  The last team with a winning record to do so was 18th-ranked Notre Dame in 1996.

Joe Bachie spilled no words saying "NO BOWL"
to coach Dantonio
“We don’t deserve to go to a bowl,” junior co-captain LB Joe Bachie reportedly told head coach Mark Dantonio.  Bachie later told the ES: “As a team, we voted.  I told coach - Your leadership in calling out the fans for being pissed (sic), your defense of the poor play calling by coach (offensive coordinator Dave) Warner, and the complete ineptitude of the offense convinced us.  As a team, we want to spare the country, and especially the Spartan Nation, of us getting our butt kicked.”

Bachie was referring to the past three contests, in which Michigan State’s defense seemingly played well, while the offense continued to struggle against the poorest teams in the Big Ten, namely Nebraska and Rutgers.  

“I take full responsibility for the poor offensive execution this year,” said injured QB Brian Lewerke, whose performance in passing percentage (162-299, 54%) and TD-INT ratio (8 TD-10 INT) was the worst statistically for any Big Ten quarterback starting four (4) or more games this season.  Similarly, freshman QB Rocky Lombardi stated, “if I can’t move the ball and can’t make the completions - it’s on me.  It’s my fault.”   

Although specifics of the meeting were not made available, what is known is a vote to go to a bowl  among the 125 players on the roster, ended with a 123-2 vote:  the only two votes to accept any bowl bid were from Lewerke and Lombardi.  Asked to explain what this meant, the quarterbacks said, in tandem, “it’s our fault.”  Lewerke then added: “We know we were ostracized for our performance, but we still want to go to Florida, or Nashville, or even Detroit.”

Thank God!
The meeting occurred today off-campus at the People’s Interdenominational Church in East Lansing… where the team met the local pastor in hope of receiving some support.  Khari Willis, the senior co-captain and safety, said “we went to church today for some type of leadership from someone, the Lord above, since we have none in the Duffy (Daugherty Football Complex).”  

Willis, who was elegant in representing Michigan State with his speech at the 2018 Big Ten media day before the season, went further to articulate the team’s frustrations with the coaching staff: “We have Ohio State on the ropes in the 4th quarter, and we use freshman backups to run a motion or jet sweep or whatever in our own end zone and fumble… after giving up a safety?  And at Nebraska, with 22-mile-an-hour winds, 11-degree windchill in a blizzard, we give up on the running game for our backup to throw in the 4th quarter - it was cold and windy, man!  No wonder my boys dropped passes, I can’t blame ‘em!  And, against Rutgers - that offense was pathetic, man, couldn’t do anything right.  So, again, throwing the ball in a driving rain storm with the wind picking up? Why not  run? Surprised we won.  

“As a team, we just don’t understand the direction.  As long as coach Warner is going to coach a bowl and with Coach D defending all this stuff… we decided, why let the world bother to watch us get our butts kicked? Let’s enjoy the holidays instead.” 

Bachie noted, “We’re kind of fed up.  We have the best defense in the country, and, yeah it’s a team game.  But the lack of leadership from the coaching staff has not put us in the best position to make plays to win, time after time, and that deflates our confidence.  And, the poor execution hasn’t helped. Coaches should know that. After the big Penn State win, I don’t know what happened.  It’s confusing to all of us.”

Michigan State’s fate is left in the hands of individual bowl committees, and at this time, it is projected the Spartans will play in the Outback Bowl against an SEC foe (LSU or Texas A&M) (CBS247sports) 

“Quite honestly, we said the only bowls that we should play in are the Cure Bowl or the First Responder Bowl.  It’s fitting,” he joked.  “Seriously, our offense might be lucky to move the ball against Duke, San Diego State, or Louisiana-Lafayette,” said Bachie.  “Playing the SEC, even Vanderbilt would kill us on New Years Day.  We agreed as a team, we would rather be home in one piece for Christmas this year.”  

Both Dantonio and Warner declined comment for this article.

Saturday, November 24, 2018

ES Preview: Incompetence hosts Irrelevance

Let's see how Dantonio's incompetence fares today against
the Sisters of the Poor. 

MSU Spartans (6-5, 4-4) vs Rutgers Scarlet Knights (1-10, 0-8)
November 24, 2018.  4 pm ET.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI
TV:  Fox

Weather:  45, cloudy, 10 mph winds

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #26, Rutgers #127

Line:  MSU favored by 27 points.

Dantonio implemented this memo to
perfection
27 point favorites?  That's a laugh - my dead grandma could score more points than that incompetent coaching staff's leadership of the MSU offense.   Coach Dantonio blew it the last two games (Ohio State, Nebraska) with moronic, stupid playcalling.

Predictions:

Kat:  MSU 24, Rutgers 6 .
Pittsburgh Jack:  MSU 2, Rutgers 0.
Sloth:  Dantonio 1, Sloth 0.
Doc:  Since everyone has given up on team Sparty, they will run the ball down the throat of the Scarlet Knights. This will make play calling easy, as everything will work, including the wildcat. Then the OC job will be safe, giving us poor play calling when we are challenged next year. 38 - 10 Sparty. It was tempting to call it 4 - 3 for Sparty, but my sarcasm hasn't reached that level.
Chef Tom: The Spartans will show up at the wrong stadium and lose by forfeit.
Big Joe and Phantom 309: Will not be attending final score incompetents 14-worthless 6 defense scores both the incompetent touchdowns

ES Sez:  MSU 11, Rutgers 4


Thursday, November 22, 2018

From Matt Stafford: You are welcome, Detroit!

Santa couldn't top my performance, but he's a good guy.
Dear Lions Fans:

This Thanksgiving, I write this letter to give you warm wishes as you give thanks to your friends and family on a traditional football day in Detroit.  And, I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to witness my performance today against the Chicago Bears, and from that performance, providing you my true value for the $57.5 million in compensation I earned in the past year.

Each year, Detroit's Thanksgiving begins with a beautiful parade of plastic balloons featuring cheap cartoon characters, reminding me of my Georgia college days with good ole' Chik-fil-A promotions, all in sub-zero temperatures and howling wind in front of a few hundred people.  The mayor called me on Monday to say he would have given me the key to the city, but as I was busy preparing for the annual loss, he instead chose another giving recipient from a freezing clime with a winning record: Santa Claus.

On this day, fans pour into downtown Detroit to watch our Lions, coming into downtown with free parking on the streets in front of bars with $5 beers.  The teeth-less homeless heat their dinners on top of grates spewing steam, the view of prisoners pounding on the glass in the downtown jail, the aura of skyscrapers thrice rebuilt to meet modern economic needs, it all makes for a breathtaking experience.  A few smart Michiganders lock their cars for fear of an unexpected donation to the homeless... yet no other major American city can provide such classic experiences.

I love my city, Detroit!  
Santa, Mayor Duggan, the jail, people of Detroit... it all fueled my inspiration to provide you with your annual expectations on this special day.  I thought of all of these traditions as I stepped onto the gridiron to face the Chicago Bears.  A sold out Ford Field, with decibels well above 100 throughout the game, gave me the will to respond to the needs of the people of Michigan.  Your Lions, providing loss after loss for years on Thanksgiving?  Well, I could not disappoint - not today, of all days.  This is YOUR tradition, after all.

With a tied game... I felt the need to make the key play to keep tradition in order.  An interception would be the right thing to do, but I timed it perfect for a pick-six touchdown to give Chicago the lead!  Thinking that I needed my performance to be a success, on that throw I looked directly at the safety from the Bears to insure he would catch my pass in stride.  I gave this to gift to you, Lions faithful!

But, as would be any gallant warrior, I would not let my Lions disappoint YOU in pure Thanksgiving fashion.  One final drive down the field, and I felt a final, targeted, interception would seal the deal.  Perfect, I hope it made your day!  So, as you go home, and eat your mashed potatoes and smother your turkey with gravy, I invite you to watch that other team play in the NFL with their traditional win on Thanksgiving:  the Dallas Cowboys.

People of Detroit, people of Michigan, thank you for your confidence in me to have a place in your annual ritual.  I tried hard to please you, and I am glad I performed to your expectations.

You are welcome!  Gobble, gobble.

Matthew Stafford



Saturday, November 17, 2018

ES Preview: Rocky at Corn


Michigan State Spartans (6-4, 4-3) at Nebraska (3-7, 2-5)
November 17, 2018.  12 Noon ET

Memorial Stadium, Lincoln, NE
TV:  Fox
Weather:  29, cloudy, with 23 mph winds.  Nipply cold!

LineMSU favored by 1-1/2 . No longer!  Nebraska now favored by 1

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #21, Nebraska #61

I hate corn.  If we don't beat the Corn, we a-gonna go to the Toilet Bowl.  By the way, Lincoln, Nebraska sucks for a town.

Predictions:

Kate:  MSU 10-7
Big Bob:  MSU 2-0.
RGM3:  MSU 14-10. An absolute barn burner.
CHock:  Nebraska 35-31.
Australia Paul:   MSU 45-0.
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU 24, Cornfuckers 10.
Sloth:  Nepotism 42, Sloth 0.
Kelly: MSU 17-14...two TDS scored by our defense and one field goal that Nebraska kicks in the wrong end zone
Chef Tom: Even, pick-em

ES sez:  Rocky 21, Corn 20.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

FIRE DAVE WARNER

Moron.  Absolute moron. Dipshit. 

Dave Warner is the worst offensive coordinator in the nation.  In college football history.  His playcalling is dogshit.   Let me explain -

Against Ohio State, MSU took a safety intentionally because they were backed up to the 1 yard line with a fourth-string punter.  While it gave a free two points to Ohio State, the ES agreed with the decision at the time and it was only 9-6 in the fourth quarter.

But then, this is where there is NO EXCUSE.  Jesus, it's hard for me to type this, I am so fuming pissed off.  This was the last straw.  MSU again was backed up to the one yard line.  Why on earth would you run a jet sweep or a direct snap to a guy in motion - to #13, who we've never even heard of.  With your backup quarterback (who should now be the starter), Rocky Lombardi.  That was the STUPIDEST PLAY I've ever seen.  At least just fall forward for a few yards and get some room.  To even think about calling that play is stupid.  What an INCOMPETENT OAF.

Of course, snap gets fucked up and Ohio State falls on the fumbled pigskin for a freebie TD.  Let me regurgitate my breakfast.

Why?  Why?  Good God, why????   Hey, here's an idea, from Coaching 101 for Babies:  KEEP IT SIMPLE when backed up to your own endzone.  At the very least, take ANOTHER safety to flip the field position.

The play was just mind-blowingly stupid.  And, if Dantonio can chime in call or not call certain plays, WHY IN THE HELL would he allow that play to even be called?  It defies logic.

Then after pulling Lewerke for Rocky (Lewerke should have never played)... Dantonio puts Lewerke back in?  WHY, GOOD LORD, WHY?

How many times did MSU run the ball off tackle.  3 times in the whole game?  WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????!!!!!  Stop this bullshit.

Worst coaching job of Dantonio's career.  Total choke job.  It's embarrassing.

Stop being so FUCKING LOYAL, Dantonio, and FIRE HIS ASS or get outta town.  Dummy.

FIRE DAVE WARNER NOW.  He is garbage. 

Friday, November 09, 2018

ES Preview: Spartans host Oscar Meyer Wieners


#18 Michigan State Spartans vs #10 Ohio State Wieners
November 10, 2018.  12 noon.
Spartan Stadium, East Lansing, MI

Weather:  34 cloudy, 16 mph wind.  Cccccolder than a ticket taker's smile at the Ivar Theater on a Saturday night.  15 wind chill.

Line:  Wieners by 3-1/2

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #16, OSU #6

I hate the dude with the fake heart attack and consistent lies to the media, to parents, to everyone.  All the Buckeyes care about is: Just win, baby.  Meyer is a Good coach, Bad person, Terrible liar.  Not good for the B1G Ten, or for college football.  He is an embarrassment, and the only reason the Buckeye Nation keeps him around is one reason:  WIN.  Not education, not athlete welfare, not caring.  WIN. I hope we freeze his ass tomorrow.

Picks:

Kat:  MSU 27, Fuckeyes 20.
CHock:  OSU 28-17
Chef Tom: MSU holds on to win by 4.
Sloth: NyQuil 2, Sloth 0.
GVSU Gregger:  OSU 24-17.
Big Joe and Phantom 309: OSU 35-21
Australian Paul:  MSU 45-0.
RGM3: MSU 17-14. Weather report: Colder than a ticket taker's smile At the Ivar Theatre, on a Saturday night.
Zech: Lewerke starts and goes all the way, 37-13 osu. Lewerke/Lombardi combo, osu 37-20. Lombardi starts, MSU 23-20

ES sez:  MSU 22, OSU 21.  Oscar Meyer chokes on a hot dog when trying to call timeout as his team defends a successful MSU fake extra point while time runs out.  Spartan victory, second fake heart attack ensues.

PS - thanks to the Enlightened Spartan fans who recognized the ES and hung out in the wind storm and empty stadium at "College Park".  Woop woop!

Thanks for joining the ES and Kat!!!



Friday, November 02, 2018

ES Preview: MSU at the Coachless Terps

Nothing like a Mercedes hood on a Geo Metro. 
Welcome to Maryland, folks

This is College Park, MD.  The ES is in the middle of a firestorm, here in our nation's capitol, as the football coach for the University of Maryland gets sacked for intimidation and inappropriate behavior toward the players.  I just harken back to my visit at Maryland a few years back.  I've returned, and God help me.

Michigan State Spartans (5-3, 3-2) at Maryland Terrapins (5-3, 3-2)
Time and Tube:  Noon/ESPN2
Capitol One Field at Maryland Stadium
Weather:  54 degrees, sunny, 14 mph winds

Line from Vegas:  Big Green by 2-1/2

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #26, Maryland #49

So, who's a-gonna win?

ES' handywork in DC, graffiti-wall painting the night before
the big game....

Predictions:

Kat:  MSU 21-7
Big Bob:  MSU 21-17
John Tull:  MSU 34-31
RGM3:  MSU 28-17
Big Joe and Phantom 309: Rocky 35, Turtle Soup 21
Australia Paul:  MSU 45-0
CHock:  MSU 31-17

ES sez:  MSU 28-14

Saturday, October 27, 2018

ES Preview: MSU vs Purdon't



Michigan State hosts Purdon't Toiletmakers
October 27, 2018, 12 ET
Spartan Stadium
TV:  ESPN
Weather:  45, cloudy, 25% chance of light showers.

Line outta Vegas:  Pick 'em; flip a quarter

Sagarin Ratings:  MSU #31, Purdon't #22

Picks:

Kat:  MSU, 24-21
Big Joe and Phantom 309:  MSU, 24-21
Gregger:  Purdon't 34-17
Keith:  MSU 21-20
Australian Paul:  MSU 45-0
CHock:  MSU 28-21
Sloth:  Rodeo Burger 1, Sloth 0
Zech: Pur-Shouldn't 27, Mobile Armed Spartan Hospital 17
Ronnie: Purdon't 54-10 ES sez:  Will the offense please show up?  Time to put in Rocky Lombardi since Lewerke is just not getting it done.  Just gotta beat Rutgers and Maryland to get to the Toilet Bowl; it ain't gonna happen this week.   Purdon't 21, Lost Offense 17.




Friday, October 19, 2018

MSU vs that fucking piece of shit

Shopping for teeth? Finish your degree in Anthropology first.... 
#24 MSU vs #6 scUM
12 noon/Fox
40 degrees, 18 MPH wind, and rain

Sagarin Ratings: #5 Mich, #24 Mich State
Line:  Arrogant Assholes by 7

Spartans vs Jesus Harbaugh

All hail to the almighty respondents to making good for what is "right" about college football.  Let us give the holy grail to the man in the Lazy Boy with a $4,000-khaki contract down in preppy-land.   Whatever.  OK, you've won over the masses with your smoke and mirrors, and Northwestern almost figured you out.  Boy, Jesus Harbaugh, you make the rest of us tired just to have to deal with your antics.

I gotta get to a tailgate:

Picks:
J:  MSU 31-30
Kat: MSU 14-10
CHock:  MSU 21-20
Madison Toth:  MSU 21-17
Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 28-26
RGM3: MSU 24, other team 20
Paul Australia:  MSU 45-0 (possibly the greatest team to ever wear shoes)
Sloth:  Lite Beer by Miller 3, Sloth 0
Skuz: 17-14
Carter: MSU 24-21. Believe in Dantonio! Felton Davis will catch a couple...Spartan D can stop UM run game...Lewerke will run wild and a few freshman will step up...Hopefully Higgins will not factor...too much...nuff said! MSU 24 UM 21....looking for a great game overall on both sides...makes it more fun....

ES sez:  14-13 MSU

HERE WE GO!  GO BIG GREEN TOUCHDOWN MACHINE!  GET 'ER DONE!

Saturday, October 13, 2018

ES Preview: MSU at Penn State

Michigan State Spartans (3-2, 1-1) at #8 Penn State Nittany Lions (4-1, 1-1)
October 13, 2018, 7:30 PM Reykjavik time
FSN 1/BTN

Sagarin Ratings: can't get them in Iceland.  See below

USA Today only likes Americans.  No Sagarin ratings here, boys and girls. 

Line: Penn State by 2 touchdowns (13-1/2)

The ES is busy with his girl-toy in Iceland, climbing mountains, seeing craters and waterfalls, singing  AC/DC karaoke, and taking motorized bicycles around tiny islands and lava-rock beaches.  Thusly, this post is from the land of the Viking.  (Viking beer is the best beer on this rock).

LJ Scott?  He should move to Iceland.

ES thinks this might be an ass-whooping.  Ugh.

Picks:

Kat:  Penn State 27-3
Carter:  Penn State 38-13
C Hock: Robyn Hitchcock next. I got good place on the ground and lots of beer.  Penn State 28-24
Zech:  Penn State 52-10
Reno Ron:  Yeah, we're gonna get PSed on.
Poke:  Penn State 35-17
Drunk Paul:  MSU 45-0
UK Sara: The fans in Happy Valley will be incredibly friendly, nice and gracious in victory.
Sloth: I have 6 Penn Brewery 16oz'ers to drink before kickoff in Crappy Valley, so my prediction is - Penn Brewery Oktoberfest 6, Sloth 0.
Madison Toth:  35-21 (who?)
Big Joe and Phantom 309: 38-17 the Sandusky suckers
Gregger: Jerry 42, Larry 20
RGM3:  22-18 Penn State

ES sez:  GOD, everyone thinks this season is lost!  Agreed -  Joe Pa 38, Lou Anna 21.

Saturday, October 06, 2018

ES Preview: MSU hosts Mildcats

LAKE THE POSTS!  Not on Saturday, and it ain't two miles to Lake Michigan from EL.
 That's 100 miles to carry goalposts. Not gonna happen.
#20 Michigan State Spartans (3-1, 1-0) vs Northwestern Wildcats (1-3, 1-1).
October 6, 2018.  12 noon.  FS1.

Weather: 74, scattered thunderstorms.

Sagarin Ratings: MSU #24, Northwestern #55.

Line:  MSU favored by 10 1/2 

So, the ES was in a diatribe with C and C out on the west coast, diagnosing the Spartans' issues through four games.  Here how it went:

  • Carter: "They are mediocre..."
  • C Hock: "Their (MSU) run D is unbelievably good. I can play QB for the Spartans and get 6 or 7 wins. Hell, I could probably have a better TD to Int/turnover ratio than our starting QB as well. "
  • ES: "C - agreed. MSU run defense is a brick wall. Should be a concern with our banged up secondary against NW slant-pass offense (as usual). MSU offense is seriously underperforming, courtesy of injuries and Dave Warner. Two starting receivers out with injury. Doesn't help our All-American punter is out with injury, too. We are far from a complete team, but we've got talent."
  • C Hock: "Lewerke's turnovers and bad decisions and bad penalties in the red zone during worse than play calling IMO"
  • ES: "C - agreed to some extent. Lewerke is trying too hard because their is no run game, and OLine help is rough. He needs to back off a bit."
Picks:
  • Kat: MSU 27-21.
  • Sloth:  MSU 17-10.  I will go with 17-10 MSU. NU is terrible on offense, but so is MSU. Warner needs to dial up a lot of runs, especially with White out with the broken hand. Should be a slobberknocker and hard-hitting as hell.
  • Carter: MSU 27-21.  NW played a very good game against UM - this is a tough one...it will be close...our best receiver out with a broken hand...I am going MSU - hope the running game blossoms.
  • C Hock:  MSU 38-35.
  • Paul Anders: MSU 45-0.
  • Ronnie Maxedon: NW 34-21 
  • Poke: MSU 31-24 
  • Jack: NW 17-2 
  • Chef Tom: Northwestern -1.5 
  • RGM3: MSU 38-17 MSU. Probably a lot closer but one can hope 
  • Feather: MSU 27-24 
  • Big Joe and Phantom 309: MSU 10-6  
  • Paul Rinella: MSU has a tough one 
  • David Russell Havens: NU really made U of M look like a Rutgers team last week, up until the last half of a quarter. Hate to say it but MSU’s gonna have a tougher time than we’d hope. It’s gonna come down to penalties 
  • Gregger: MSU 24-17
ES Sez:  Bring your poncho, wear your shorts.  Warm, and wet.  MSU pulls out a win in the end in an ugly drubber.  MSU 17, Northwestern 13.