FireCoachTuck.com? Same Old Spartans? Tuck impersonates the John L Smith years

Thanks for the incompetence, Mel "I wanna be just like John L Smith" Tucker

Post-Indiana, the ES doesn't know where to start, other than the obvious:  Fire Coach Tucker for the incompetence we saw on Saturday in the loss to an 0-38-when-down-by-17-at-half-since-2003 Indiana team. 

FireCoachTuck.com?  No, and that's because there's a simple reason. The ludicrous $95 million/10 year contract signed by the athletics department to hire a guy with little-to-no head coaching experience (ok, should we count one year of coaching at national power U Colorado as something?).  Problem is, two years into the fraught-ridden deal, MSU would be on the hook for the last 7 years of the contract.  Thanks to Matt Ishbia and the St. Andre guy, they agreed to pay half of the salary to hire him, but none of the salary (aka "Golden Parachute") to fire him.  So, MSU paying Tuck $66.5 million (last 7 years on contract) not to coach and sit on a sofa eating cheese puffs is a bit ridiculous.  

But, someone else should create FireCoachTuck.com to put some pressure on the staff to get them to get their head out of their arse and stop acting like John L. Smith with the "outsmarting himself" decisions, pep-down speeches, and halftime adjustment failures.  Clearly, it's not working.  Setting up for a field goal on the two-yard line with a questionable-at-best FG unit in a driving, freezing windstorm isn't exactly good coaching.  OK, Spartan fans, everyone watching, raise your hands if you were saying on the final drive "We gotta score a TD, I'm not confident in our FG unit."  Thought so, all of us felt that way... except of course, for coach Tuck.  Listen, coach, you gotta coach from 30,000 feet as much as from the field level and use your authority to make a little better decision for the team and the Spartan Nation instead of acting like this is the NFL.  Either get a new pair of glasses to see the reality on the field and make better decisions or fire guys like d-coord Scottie Hazelton who can't produce any consistent play in the defensive unit (your honor, just look at exhibit A: giving up gashing 20-to-30 yard runs to an Indiana QB after stifling nation-leading Illinois RB Chase Brown is irrational).  

It is painfully obvious that we Spartans were spoiled with Kenneth Walker III in 2021, who put the Spartans on his back and ran like wild to an impressive 11-2 record.  This year, coach Tuck followed the John L Smith stuff-the-roster-with-JUCOs script with his tapping the transfer portal ad nauseum.  Note to Tuck: it doesn't work.  You gotta recruit and develop talent, not spend your time trying to find once-in-a-lifetime lightning in a bottle.  

Unfortunately, 2022 year was the return of the "Same Old Spartans" and very much resembled an overcoached (lack of focus on fundamentals) and underperforming (losing record) transfer-filled Spartan team all year long.  This dud of a season will be the remembrance of coach Tuck's decisions which impersonated slap-yo-mamma John L. Smith (the L stood for "laughter" or "loser", your choice).  

Victory for MSU? Nope.  Same Old Spartans?  Yup.  Thanks for making MSU a laughing-stock again, the pride of averageness and incompetence, coach Tuck.  And Good Luck against Penn State, LMAO.  

The sign of the apocalypse... the return of JLS

Wow.  The ES gives its best wishes to the University of Arkansas.  The Razorbacks have hired former Michigan State Spartan head football coach John L. Smith as its "interim" head football coach for the next year.

The ES had to slap himself to wake up and stop dreaming.  But no, this is the real deal.  LOL. 

JLS finds his way to Fayetteville

Thought y'all might find this amusing. It's spring, so why not share the sillies... Maybe it is old news, but with all the hoops hoopla, the ES missed it.

"Smith joins Razorback coaching staff"

Subway Domer on MSU - Irish: Viva Weis!

The ES thanks the Subway Domer for chiming in about the Notre Dame - Michigan State matchup, dominated by the Spartans in the last decade. Domer predicts a 24-17 Irish win in a defensive battle... he's an avid Chuck E Weis supporter... read on:

1. Why in the hell (sorry) are we to believe that the Catholics will be any good on the gridiron this fall, when their performance on the field has tarnished that once shiny, golden dome?

You're not supposed to believe it. But, that's OK. This 2009 season is the "tell all". If I was an opposing fan, I would reserve judgement until after the U$C game.

2. Why is everyone making a big deal out of the Irish beating the hula skirts off of the vicious Rainbows in the Hawaii bowl last year? What does that say about the current status of ND football?

No one is really going apeshit over the win against Hawai'i. ND finally broke their bowl losing streak, and that has fans thinking the curse is finally over. What was really encouragging was the play of Clausen in that game. His 4 incompletions were all drops. He threw everything on the money.

The current status? Well- ND is just trying to get back to becoming a top tier program again- and for a longer stretch.

3. OK, we all know about that hairdo of QB Jimmy “Scissorhands” Clausen. But seriously, he’s been beaten to a pulp the past two years and wants more punishment. What makes him so damn resilient – is All America realistic this year or next, or is the emergency room more realistic?

With the nation jerking off to Tebow, McCoy, Bradford, and even Snead- Clausen as an All-American candidate is a bit of a stretch. However. His stats this upcoming year should be as good, if not better than Quinn's were in his junior year.

Jimmy is not human. OK, so maybe he's human- but he is one tough SOB. He has took more than his fair share of clean shots to every part of his body and keeps going. Tough kid.

4. How many wins will it take for the Doughnut King to keep his job as the Irish head coach?

I'll say 9 wins plus a bowl win at the least. However, if the 3 losses are as embarrassing as having John L. Smith as a head coach, than he may be on his way out.

5. OK: Charlie Weis: 29-21 (9-3, 10-3, 3-9, 7-6) in 4 years with highly touted recruiting classes. Ty Willingham 21-15 (10-3, 5-7, 6-5) in 3 years. Bob Davie: 35-25 (7-6, 9-3, 5-7, 9-3, 5-6) in 5 years. Notice any consistency in W-L? So, if he wins 6 games or less, he will be fired. Right? What does the Irish nation think about the decisions on football coaching? Isn’t it great Weis has a 10-year deal (8 years or whatever is remaining)?

Both Ty and Davie had problems recruiting for the long haul. This is what eventually put them out on their ass, and what put Weis in trouble these past 2 years. The roster is now more talented and deeper than it has been since the Holtz era, and there is no crazy ass drop in that talent level as you move on two years from now. That is the real difference.

I like the fact that Weis has such a long contract. This program needs stability and if things go according to plan this year, there is no reason that they shouldn't stay there for years to come.


6. How good will ND be in the trenches this year, on both sides of the ball? Are we back to the days of the big uglies from the Irish, smash mouth-style, or will we kick yer arse again where it really matters?

I'm not sure. ND made some changes on the O-line this year with new coaching and moving a few players around. I want to say they will be a lot tougher, but i will have to reserve judgement until after week 3- which is the MSU game.

The D-line is very talented- but young. If they can play above their age, this unit has the talent to make all the difference.

7. Who is your best lineman, and why should we fear him?

You didn't specify which side, so I'll give you one from each.

Sam Young OT- Sam has not reached his potential since he arrived at ND in the fall of 2006 as the #1 lineman out of high school. He has started every game since his freshman year, and if there truly is a god- Sam Young will dominate.

Ethan Johnson DT/DE- Johnson is a fucking nightmare. He will only be a true sophomore, but he was virtually our best DL last year as a frosh. He is able to be moved inside and out and has added more weight and strength to his large frame. Tru Killah.

8. Michigan State has owned ND the last decade (won 9 of 12 – actually, MSU has dominated the series during the entire post-Holtz tenure of Weis/Willingham/Davie). But, MSU has really had the far better team the past two years, and likely this year as well. Or do you think otherwise? Where is the advantage for ND or MSU?

MSU lost Hoyer and Ringer. You could have managed without Hoyer- but Ringer is a big loss. I agree with your assesment of the last two seasons, but I think ND has the better overall team in 2009. ND will have a far better offense than MSu, and both teams should have tough defenses. If there is any advantage- its MSU's dominance in South Bend... sigh.

9. Who is your best player and why?

Michael Floyd. Why? He is probably our best pro prospect on a young team that could develop a lot of prospects. He' just so fucking dominant- that's why.

10. Other than Michigan, ND is our biggest game on the schedule every year – some (like ES west coast reporter, Chock) hate the Irish the most. It’s a fairly unfriendly rivalry – from the Spartan fans point of view. Do you see it similarly? Why do you think the Spartans are so antagonistic to ND?

I hate Sparty. You hate us. All is well with the world. U$C and Michigan are much bigger rivals overall for the program- but in a recent Subway Domer survey, MSU came in 3rd. I think you hate us because of this. There are you 3 and then everybody else as far as I am concerned. I hate years like this when ND plays you 3 in the first 5 games.

11. Breaking out the Xs and Os, what is the biggest mismatch you seek to take advantage of?

Your new QB. Jon Tenuta is jerking off to the fact that you have a new QB- and he wants to bury him. With our developing blitz package, I think that may be an advatage as of August. Still a few games to be played before I will really know what kind of teams the 2009 ND and MSU squads really are all about.

12. I know this guy in California, Bernie. He loves ND, never went to college, never set foot in the state of Indiana. He has the Poulus jersey for crissakes. What message would you like me to pass onto that piece-of-crap?

Keep the faith brother ( and read Subway Domer). Things will be looking a lot better this year- but you already know that. It's these bastards that will figure it out the hard way.

13. What is the biggest mismatch you fear MSU will exploit?

Unrelanting pressure with a blitzing pass rush IF ND cannot get some kind of running game going. i really like Greg Jones. Tough, tough football player, and a Subway Domer All-American.

14. Matter of fact, Chock (mentioned above) had a choice to spend the weekend in Paris or East Lansing last fall – and chose attendance in EL to watch the Spartans spank the Catholics, 23-7. What message would you like me to pass onto that glorious Spartan football fan?

I like his choice of football over culture. Fuck those Frenchies. Other than that- we'll see ya in September. Heading to South bend?


15. Here is a look at the opponents for the 2009 ND Fighting Irish – clearly, the weakest schedule for the Irish in years. If you consider The Quad’s (http://thequad.blogs.nytimes.com) rankings of all 120 teams (why not choose them, they’re as good as any other), then only 2 teams on their schedule are ranked in the top 40 (top third): Southern Cal, and Michigan State. Obviously, both USC and MSU matchups will be losses for the Irish. So, what is your take on the W’s and the L’s – realistically, and best scenario? Opponent (The Quad Ranking, so far): Nevada (#48), @ scUM (#57), Michigan St (#31), @ Purdue (#94), Washington (#99), USC (not yet ranked), Boston Coll (#60), @ Washington St (#114), Navy (#64), @ Pitt (#42), Uconn (#68), @ Stanford (#50)

I could care less about The Quad rankings. There is one true god and his name is Phil Steele. The schedule is favorable, but at least we don't play any MAC, Sunbelt, or 1-AA schools. If ND goes 5-0 headed into the U$C game, they have a good shot of beating the Condoms and finishing 12-0. Realistically I see a 11-1 or a 10-2 season. The exact losses I'm not sure of yet.

16. Who would you rather have as coach - The Doctor (MD) or Doughnut Head (CW)? Why?

16. I have always like Dantonio. I knew that was a great hire for MSU when they finally let go of that crazy asshole J.L. Smith. With that said... I'm going with chuck. What the hell have you reaslly done in the past two years besides beat a down on their luck Irish team. This is loyalty at its finest.

17. What will be the final score this year, MSU at ND?

17. It will be a very defense-heavy 24-17 win for the Irish. I'm not sold on your seconday, but I know your run D will be very good. The team with the best QB wins this one.